Pandemic Problems: Is My Dog Afraid of Strangers Now?

I've received about a dozen calls in the last few days from owners concerned about their dogs' reactions to strangers.  Now that shelter in place restrictions are relaxing here in the San Francisco Bay Area, dogs are seeing more people on their walks.  People are starting to have friends and family over to their homes and in their yards to visit. Dogs are noticing all of this.  Even dogs that were well-socialized before the pandemic had us all housebound seem to be a bit more vigilant when meeting new people both at home and out in public.  And for dogs acquired during the shelter in place restrictions all of these new people getting close to them is a potential cause for concern. And the pandemic puppies?  They seem to fall into two groups, those that are timid with these new people and those that are so desperate for attention from the new people they see that they are jumping up, barking, spinning, and pulling on leash to get to them! Whether your dog is excited to meet all of these new people or wary about it, both are issues you will want to address right away as neither problem will go away on its own.

For the dogs who are super-excited to be meeting new people, you will want to embrace their joy (I mean, really, isn't it nice to see people again?!) but make sure it isn't infringing on other people's rights not to be jumped up on or mouthed by your dog.  While I agree it would be nice if every dog sat down when they wanted to meet someone new, this just isn't always possible.  It IS reasonable, however, to expect that even if they aren't sitting, they are doing something that makes greeting them a positive experience for everyone involved. If you are out on a walk, acknowledge to your dog how nice it would be to meet that new person.  Stand on your dog's leash so that all he can do is sit or stand in place for greeting.  Encourage people to pet your dog under his chin and along the front of his chest rather than ruffling his ears, patting his head, rubbing his back, or worse yet leaning in for a kiss or hug.  That under chin stroke or chest rub is perceived as non-threatening by your dog and is less likely to result in your dog trying to jump up to reach that outstretched hand; the hand is already low and aimed at a neutral spot on your dog's body.  If you know your dog will still try to lick that approaching hand, simply warn the new person that they might get their hand licked. That allows them to decide what they want to do rather than have them behave in a way that leaves your dog wondering what they did wrong!  Licking someone's hand is not bad, it's just not for everyone.  And if your dog mouths people's hands in greeting, be ready to have your dog's mouth busy doing something else; you can have treats to reward your dog or carry a toy for them to hold in their mouth during greetings. The last thing you want is someone to misinterpret your dog using its mouth to  hold their hand as something aggressive.

For visitors to your home, remember you can still use your leash!  Have your dog leashed for arrivals of guests so that they continue to display good behavior and get reinforced for being calm.  You can coach your guests to ignore the dog until he is calm and then reward him for it.  Tossing a toy, or even tossing treats for a dog to chase as they move away from guests works well. For outdoor parties, be ready to have your dog engaged in an activity that will keep them busy for a while.  As long as your dog isn't a resource guarder, you can give them a bone or a chew to work on while people visit with each other.  If you have a puppy or adolescent dog, it might be time for a nap in their crate after the first rush of greetings is over.  And if your guests include children, you must supervise.  Children who run will get chased, so you want to be right there to make sure that doesn't happen.  Let children work with your dog on their basic behaviors and give your dog treats, all while being supervised. This will help your dog view kids in a more favorable light.

For dogs who are wary or timid about meeting new people, don't force them.  Rather, try to make those experiences as positive as possible.  Make sure that you aren't making it worse by panicking and racing across the street away from approaching humans!  Don't death grip your leash or ball it up so that your dog is struggling to walk on the shortest leash ever.  Instead, keep your leash firmly in your grasp, but left loose and drapey so that you're not cuing your dog to react.  Happily acknowledge the people you see.  Keep your dog at a distance that you know keeps them alert and comfortable.  You can use treats to reinforce calm behavior, but don't use treats to distract them or bribe them to look at you.  Rather, give them treats when they see new people and stop giving treats when those people are out of view. If your dog is too anxious to take treats on walks, that's okay too.  Use your voice and your attention to reward them for calm behavior until they relax to the point where they are able to take treats on your walks. Adjust your walking route or the time of day you walk to help deal with the number of new people your dog will be seeing.  As they get better with seeing  a few new people, you can again alter your walking time or route so that you see a few more new people and so on.  You can also take a lawn chair to the park and sit with your dog there, handing out treats and/or attention for calm behavior when they see strangers in and around the park. For visitors to your home, remind folks to ignore your dog. Let your dog decide when and if they want to interact with that new person. It's perfectly fine if your dog chooses not to interact with your guests at all.  It isn't a requirement that dogs like everyone that you like; they just can't behave aggressively!  If your dog just can't settle down in the presence of guests in your home, even when he is being ignored, try redirection.  Offer your dog the opportunity to go in another room or into their crate to chew on a bone.  A lot of timid dogs are relieved to know that they don't have to stay and hang out with people they don't know.  If your dog knows he has a safe haven, he can choose that himself when overwhelmed.  And if your dog always gets something fun to chew on in his safe place when guests are in your home visiting, he will start viewing them a bit more positively.

The bottom line is this:  we don't like everyone we meet, and there is no reason to expect our dogs to do something we can't even do ourselves. It is reasonable, however, to expect our dogs to behave properly around new people.  No jumping. No mouthing.  No lunging. No incessant barking.  Observe your dogs.  Are there particular people who trigger their anxiety? Is it kids?  Elderly people with walkers or canes?  Teenagers on skateboards?  People in sunhats?  If you can narrow down your dogs' triggers, you will be better able to help them to see those things as not threatening in the future.

I know that a lot of dog owners think of stranger anxiety or over-exuberance with strangers as being the result of a lack of socialization or training.  While that may sometimes be true, it isn't always the case.  Some dogs are just wired to be timid; it's their personality, it's in their DNA.  Much as with shy or introverted people, this isn't a bad thing, it's just a personality thing.  We all make accommodations for our introverted friends and family.  Let's do the same for less than social dogs.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

These three all approach strangers differently.  Ozzie is aloof.  He doesn't really want to meet new people; sometimes he doesn't even want to engage people he knows!  He is allowed to be an introvert.  Westley is extremely social.  He treats everyone like they are his best friend in the whole world.  He jumps and practically turns himself inside out showing strangers just how happy he is to meet them.  We stand on his leash and encourage controlled greetings.  Desi is a social butterfly too, but he is gentle, although still persistent. He, too, assumes everyone is his friend and wants to meet him (and he's usually right!). He will nuzzle your hand, lean in for love and be completely forgiving if someone forgets good dog etiquette and ruffles his ears or pats his head hard.  That's why he's perfect for pet assisted therapy.  I appreciate each of these dogs, introvert or extrovert,  as they all have something to teach me and a lot of love to give.

Keeping Your Kids & Your Dogs Busy!

School's out for summer!  Did you just sing that line? I know I did!  This summer will likely be unlike any other given that social distancing is still in place, masks are recommended in public, and many of the summer activities we all normally look forward to (county fairs and state fairs, public swimming pools, summer school classes, etc.) have been canceled. Every summer, I teach at least one, if not two, sessions of my Kids & Dogs class.  This class is a blast to teach and I've had kids return to take it multiple times with their siblings and their friends from school. I will miss not teaching this summer class, but I have had fun modifying some of the games so that my clients' children can do them at home as part of their training.  So, for those of you with kids (or grandkids!) home this summer with the dogs, here are some games and activities they can do together:

1. Teach a new trick every week:  In class, I teach the kids to group tricks together by the body part the dog uses.  So, for example, shake, wave, and high five all use a dog's paws.  Start with the most basic trick, shake, and build up to the more difficult tricks like high 5 and high 10. If we were working with a dog that didn't even know shake yet, we'd have a month's worth of activities to build on to get all of those paw-based behaviors!

2.  Agility for kids and dogs:  Have your kids set up an obstacle course with things they already have. Gather hula hoops, soccer cones, crawl through tubes, baby slides, kiddie pools, bike tires, etc. for your course.  Parents can help with cement blocks and 2 x 4 boards to create harder obstacles as well. Set up your course so that you child and the dog can weave between the cones, crawl through the tubes, slide down the slides, jump over the pools, dodge the bike tires, and crawl under and jump over the 2 x 4 boards.  Set the hula hoops at the beginning and end of the course and have the dog sit and stay to start the course and end the course.  Have the kids work as a team with the dog on leash and take turns seeing who can help the dog to do the course the best with the fewest mistakes. They can time themselves with a stopwatch.  Junior agility kids can teach their dogs to run the course without a leash and running alongside the dog!  Just remember to keep any jumps at the dog's shoulder height or lower for safety.

3.Red light, green light:  This is a game for homes with multiple kids and even multiple dogs.  When someone says "red light" all dogs and kids must stop, and the dogs must sit.  "Green light" means moving together as quickly as possible, and "yellow light" means slowing down.  The dog and kid who gets to the person calling out the signals first, wins!

4.  Tic-tac-toe:  Another game for home with multiple kids and more that one dog.  Have the kids use chalk to draw a large tic-tac-toe board on the ground.  The kids divide into teams with one to two kids on each team and one dog on each team.  If you only have one dog, that's fine too, then one team is kids only! The rules of tic-tac-toe apply and the dog must sit or lay down and stay in the square where assigned.  If the dog moves out of the square, then that team loses the game. If there aren't enough kids or dogs to fill a team's squares for every move on the tic-tac-toe board, then each team can use small bean bags to toss into the squares on their moves.  Once again, if the dog moves from its square to chase a tossed bean bag, then that team loses.  This game is fun to watch as kids will often get so focused on keeping their dogs in the stay that they forget how to play tic-tac-toe!

5.  Limbo:  Have two kids hold a pool noodle, broom, or large wooden dowel at shoulder height as other kids and their leashed dogs move under the pole, limbo style.  As the pole gets lower, kids will have to crawl under the pole and coax their dogs under too. No touching the pole!

6.  Set it all to music:  Have the kids add music to their training.  All of the tricks and behaviors they've taught the dog can be timed with music, and extra credit for matching costumes IF the dog doesn't mind playing dress-up.

Encourage your kids to be involved in the day-to-day needs of the family dog.  They can fill water bowls, help with feeding, and learn how to brush teeth, groom, etc. Dogs show more respect for kids who take an active role in their care and training.  Supervise your kids as they build lasting relationships with the family dog.  And always remember the importance of "down time" for everyone.  Family dogs need a quiet place to rest and recharge and everyone should respect that to ensure the safety and sanity of all family members.

I hope everyone has a terrific summer!  If you want my help to work together, outdoors and with social distancing, on any of these games with your family, please let me know.  As always, you know where to find me.

Flying touch is one of Ozzie's favorite tricks!  Any game or trick that allows him to jump up is on his personal list of favorites!

The Dog Who Licked Too Much

A client called me on Monday regarding her dog.  We'd worked together a few years ago to help her resident cat acclimate to the arrival of this new dog.  Apparently, her college-aged kids are all home for the summer now and two brought home roommates who couldn't return home due to travel restrictions.  The household dynamic previously was just my client, her husband, and their high school aged daughter.  Over the weekend, the college kids were all sitting on the couch playing some sort of game on the TV.  There were a lot of loud voices and excitement!  The dog had been running around the house yipping and barking, jumping up on people and mouthing, something he'd not done since he was a puppy.  They chalked it up to all the excitement and added people in the house.  When he jumped up on the couch, however, he ran across laps and began to aggressively (her word) lick faces.  The kids were swatting him away trying to get him to stop licking and get off of the couch where he was trampling them and ruining their game.  This is when everything changed.  The dog stopped licking and started to growl. Everyone froze and they weren't sure what to do.  My client diffused the situation by clapping her hands and saying "Cookie time!" to which the dog responded by hopping off the couch and racing for the kitchen.  She was calling me because she wanted to better understand how the dog could go from "happily licking all the kids" to growling at them.  I told her the simple answer is because he wasn't actually happy.  Let's look at this a bit closer.

Licking is one of those behaviors that dog do.  They lick themselves, they lick each other, and they lick us.  Some people love it, others hate it; no one really seems to be ambivalent about being licked by a dog!  Dogs lick to appease (release tension) and attempt to self-calm.  Anxious dogs may even compulsively lick themselves or objects in their environment.  I even know a dog who licks his owner's hands while she is clipping his nails!  As with the dog who moved from licking faces to growling, the dog licking hands while his nails are being cut are both very anxious and showing their discomfort.  Neither dog wants to escalate to a bite, but they are trying to tell the humans that they are very uncomfortable, anxious, and stressed out.  Frantic or compulsive licking must be recognized as anxiety and treated accordingly.

My client's dog should have been redirected at the first sign of agitation, when he was racing around the house barking, jumping and mouthing.  He could have been taken for a walk, redirected to a toy or bone, or simply put in his crate (his safe haven) to relax away from all the excitement.  Just as I instructed my client whose dog licks her hands while she is doing his nails...the energy and anxiety fueling that displacement behavior needs to be redirected appropriately to reduce the dog's overall tension.

I'm really glad my client didn't punish the growl as that growl was the only way, short of a bite, that the dog could tell them how he really felt.  The growl was information that the humans could act on.  Now they know that when all the young adults are gaming in the family room, the dog needs to be elsewhere, happily removed from that energy level that causes him stress. Rather than seeing all that bouncing, mouthing, and licking as affection, my client will now recognize that those are signs of agitation, ambivalence, and stress and act accordingly.  Good news for her family and great news for her dog.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

When Ozzie is anxious he will often seek out my attention and lay with some part of his body touching mine. If I acknowledge him too much when he's doing this, however, he will begin to obsessively lick my hands or feet, or his own feet.  I've learned to simply pet him once gently and then look away.  When I do that, he relaxes faster, self soothes, and more quickly bounces back to his usual, happy self. 

The Frustration (and Danger!) With Off Leash Dogs

The holiday weekend was rough for several of my clients.  While out walking their dogs, they encountered other dogs, off leash, in areas that are clearly leashed dogs only.  A common theme seemed to be that the people whose dogs were off leash were under the impression that hollering "my dog is friendly" was good enough to make up for the fact that their off leash dogs were rushing at leashed dogs uninvited!  Added to this was the general consensus that the people whose dogs were off leash had zero voice control over their dogs.  When a couple of my clients hollered back "my dog ISN'T friendly," they were greeted with derision as the other dog's owner reluctantly approached and collected their dog.  And the story that really got me?  Another client was out in her car very early (before 6 a.m.) and saw a man walking two dogs, both off leash, on a sidewalk in her leashes only neighborhood.  As she drove by, one of the dogs lunged off the curb right at her car!  She slammed on her breaks and got out to make sure the dog was okay. The owner shrugged it off and said that the dog routinely chased cars!  Why in the world, if your dog chases cars, would you let that dog off leash near cars?  None of this made any sense to me and quite frankly, really annoyed the hell out of me.

I understand that everyone is a bit stir crazy right now and as the weather warms up, more and more people will be outdoors.  While many dog parks are reopening with social distancing guidelines in place for the humans there, that really is the only place other than your own property that your dogs should be off leash.  Every county here in the San Francisco Bay Area has leash laws; dogs must be on leash when out in public unless in a designated off leash area.  Period.  There aren't exceptions for "my dog likes everyone," or "my dog always come when I call," or "Gee whiz. He really needs to stretch his legs."  Leashed means leashed.  And as much as I hate retractable leashes, those are at least a bit better than no leash at all.

We all need to be good neighbors.  Leashing your dog is not just the right thing to do, it is the neighborly thing to do.  There are people afraid of dogs in your neighborhood for whom an off leash dog approaching them is terrifying.  Many of my clients have dogs who are aggressive and defensive around other dogs; they have every right to walk their dogs on leash and expect that their neighbors will do the same.  Social distancing guidelines of remaining 6 feet or more away from others has been the silver lining for many of my clients with aggressive dogs.  They've had to worry less about being approached on walks. Until they encounter one of these off leash dogs.

Interestingly enough, one of my clients with an aggressive dog was able to redirect her dog as we've worked on this quite a bit.  When that off leash dog, however, kept lunging at her dog barking, and the other owner couldn't recall the dog, lo and behold a fight broke out.  My client was forced to drop her dog's leash.  Finally, the other owner came over and they were then able to separate the dogs.  The kicker?  The other owner was furious that his dog had gotten hurt in the scuffle.  Excuse me?! Your dog would not have gotten hurt had you had the dog on leash like you were supposed to.  And now my client's dog's training has been severely set back because he has resumed his hyper-vigilance and protective stance.  Frustrating all around.

If you are having trouble with off leash dogs in your neighborhood too, there are a few things you can do.  You can let Animal Control know.  They will schedule drive bys where they will cite people whose dogs are off leash.  You can carry an air horn with you.  When that off leash dog approaches, blast the air horn right at them. It will certainly stop them in their tracks and let the other owner know they need to collect their dog promptly.  You can carry treats with you and throw the treats right at the off leash approaching dog.  Hopefully, he'll be so stunned by the treats raining down that he'll stop to snack allowing you and your leashed companion to safely move away. I know you shouldn't have to do any of these things when you aren't the one disregarding the rules.  However, I also know that people are people and there will still be those dog owners who consider their desires and wishes as more important than those of others in their community.  Selfish disregard for others isn't something new, for sure.  I just know that I, for one, had hoped that one of the things this pandemic would do was make us more conscientious with one another, resulting in more kindness and awareness of the needs of others and the spirit of community.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Westley out on a leashed walk and wearing his cooling jacket to beat the heat!

Help! My Dog Ignores Me when I am Wearing a Mask!

As many of you know, I started out working with exotic animals.  In those days, we were taught to never wear sunglasses when working with the animals because they needed to see your eyes and where you were looking, two things that sunglasses impeded. While it was often uncomfortable for us to be working with animals in the blazing sun without sunglasses (and I blame ALL of my crow's feet on this!), I know this was true.  If you wore sunglasses, you would often see the animals ignoring you, or becoming anxious and looking away or moving away. Even when visiting and observing captive animals at zoos, you will notice a difference in their behavior if you watch them with your uncovered eyes, or through sunglasses.  Which brings me to our topic this week of face masks and how wearing them might change your animal's behavior.

We know that dogs, in particular, are meta-communicators, using sounds as well body language to communicate with each other and with us.  Humans, not coincidentally, use meta-communication as well.  So, for example, a dog might growl while doing a play bow and then pounce on another dog. The play bow lets the other dog know "hey, everything after this is just play and meant to be fun!" even though there was a growl and a pounce. Without the play bow, the growl and pounce could have been interpreted quite differently. Meta-communication is all of the nonverbal cues used in communication, so tone of voice, body language, gestures, and facial expressions.  All of these things add (or take away) from the message given by what we are strictly saying with our words.  Even with their limited range of facial expressions, dogs are able to use meta-communication as part of their "conversation" with us and with other dogs.

When humans wear face masks, we are blocking the lower halves of our faces.  We can still be heard, but our message is often muffled and not as clear.  While we can raise our voices to be better heard, that change in pitch or tone can have unintended consequences for our dogs.  In addition, if you are wearing both a mask AND sunglasses on a walk or during an outdoor training session, you are really making it difficult for your dog to understand your message.  If they can't see your eyes, and they can't see your facial expressions, they may be unsure or ambivalent about your message.  This is one reason I always advise my clients with puppies to work on verbal commands in combination with clear hand signals.  That way, if you ever lose your voice (or have your voice muted as we do with our masks), you can get your dog's attention and have him comply simply through the use of hand signals. This is also important for older dogs whose hearing may be impaired, meaning they must rely more on what they see to determine what you want from them.

Initially, clients were telling me that they thought their dogs might be afraid of the face masks.  I told them that I thought fear was a much less likely response than ambivalence.  If dogs don't see your mouth moving or your facial expressions when you say things to them, they may just discount what was said as unimportant or not worthy of their attention. Pulling your mask away from your mouth to communicate with your dog when outside on walks defeats the purpose of wearing the mask, so what should you be doing?

First off, practice with the mask on at home, in a quiet room, with one dog at a time, if you have multiple dogs. Use your hand signals AND verbal commands and reinforce the behaviors with treats. Even if you are asking for simple behaviors that your dog already knows like "sit," "down," "watch me," etc., you will still want to reinforce those behaviors with treats while you are wearing your mask.  This makes "working harder to listen to you while wearing a mask" a reinforceable behavioral task for your dog.  Once your dog is watching for the hand signals and better listening to your voice through the mask, you can move to working outside in your yard or on your porch where ambient outdoor noises may interfere with what your dog hears and/or distract him. Once you've got them working for you there, you are ready to head out into the real world, mask securely in place, with the confidence that your dog will listen to you, watch for your hand signals, and respond appropriately. Just make sure that your hand signals, gestures and body language are clear to your dog since your verbal message may be muted.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Ozzie is undeterred by masks.  He will respond to what he's asked to do even with the muted tone or volume due to my mask.  He wants to chase the squirrels, however, no matter what you say, mask or no mask!

Where Do We Go From Here?

As the shelter in place restrictions begin to relax, more people are reaching out about scheduling in-person appointments with me.  While grateful for the business, I am still thinking ahead and planning what that will look like for what I do.  I truly believe that it is in everyone's best interest to continue to social distance and utilize masks in public places.  I think this is simple to do and something that I can easily ask my clients to do as well.  I am fortunate that the weather is lovely here in California, so I can meet with clients outdoors making social distancing even easier as we move into Summer.  But what about classes?

It's looking like it will be quite a while before typical classroom settings will be approved.  Given that, it may be possible to teach some, smaller classes in outdoor settings with healthy participants who remain 6-10 feet apart and wear masks.  The silver lining will be that my seminar classes on topics such as separation anxiety, canine body language, and aggression can be taught via Zoom.  Students around the world would be able to attend, and best of all, my clients who are immune compromised or otherwise at a higher risk, can still participate from the safety of their own homes.  That brings me a great deal of peace of mind too.  Still being able to teach, answer questions, and have students interact with one another in the digital classroom is my goal.  As I work to get these online seminar classes set up, let me know if there are specific topics you'd like to see covered as well.

There have been a few clients who have said they really hate remote learning and video consultations.  I understand their frustration, but the bottom line is this: we all need to get creative in the way we do business.  While it may not be optimal to have your pet behavior questions answered and addressed through a computer screen, it is possible.  I've already worked with a couple of clients with aggressive dogs who were sure there was no way to do this if I couldn't see their dog in person.  I had them send video ahead of time, and then set up my phone on a tripod so they could see me moving around and using my own dogs to demonstrate the techniques they needed to use with their own dogs to achieve success.  Is this my favorite way to work with dogs and their owners? Not in the least. I will, however, continue to do things this way until our governor deems it safe and prudent to do otherwise.  I don't want to be part of the problem, but I do want to be on the cutting edge of the solutions.

Don't wait to treat the behavior problems you are seeing now.  Let's work together to figure out the best strategy for your success and the mental health and well-being of your pets.  As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Ozzie and Desi now follow me when they see me grab the tripod and head out to the yard.  They know that one or both of them will be helping me with a client's dog...and that there will be treats for doing so!

Anxiety and Stress: The New Normal?

It seems like I have a couple of conversations every day now with pet owners concerned about stress and anxiety in their pets during SIP.  For some pet owners, this is a new thing as their pets always seemed well-adjusted before. For others, their pets have always been anxious, but the anxiety is worsening now or simply more pronounced with everyone home all the time.

One big concern has been the added stress of kids home on the family pets.  Numerous clients have reported their cats hiding in closets and under beds, avoiding contact, as well as dogs that don't want to come in the house or want to stay in their crates.  The metro Denver area actually reported a substantial increase in reported, child-directed dog bite cases for the end of March and beginning of April, right when SIP orders went into effect and kids were doing remote learning from home.  It's always important to be there to watch your children when they are interacting with your pets, but as more than one parent has told me, they can't be there every second.  Given that, parents need to spend extra time working with their children on understanding what stress, anxiety, and agitation look like in dogs and cats.  Most pets actually do give a warning before they bite, but those warnings are often ignored and the pets escalate their aggression in frustration.  Remind your children and grandchildren that a dog under a chair or table, in its crate, sleeping in the yard, or on its dog bed does not want to be disturbed.  If the child really wants to interact, they can call the dog to them. If the dog readily comes over, he wants to interact. If he ignores the child, the child must accept this and walk away.  Same for cats hiding in closets and under beds; kids need to leave them alone.  They can get a cat toy and see if the cat might want to come out and play, but they shouldn't reach for or otherwise disturb the cat.  And no climbing up on chairs to "rescue" the cat from the top of the refrigerator!  If your cat has taken refuge up on top of the fridge, leave them be!

While it may seem like I am "calling out" kids, these same guidelines apply to adults too. I had one client ask her husband to video her with their cat. In the video, you can see the cat trying to casually move away as she approached him. When she scooped him up, the cat was arching away and pushing off from her to get down.  When she insisted on holding him, you could hear really loud purring.  She felt that meant the cat had been "playing hard to get." Her husband felt the cat was really stressed out and they were calling me for my opinion.  I said the purring wasn't a happy sound in this case, but a cat who was stressed and irritated, trying to self-regulate with a human who had heeded none of his obvious signs of distress. Needless to say, the woman felt really bad that she didn't see this for what it was. I told her she wasn't alone; many of my adult clients are anxious themselves and seeking out their pets for comfort.  Doing so, however, can increase their pets discomfort overall.  Pets need their down time, their "me time," their alone time just like people.  Keeping your pets to their regular schedules for feeding, exercise, and engagement helps to reduce their stress and anxiety and understand what is expected of them.

Look at it this way:  most of us enjoy contact with other people (in non-pandemic times!), but on our own terms.  People who stand too close to us when speaking, hug us without being invited to do so, or hold our hand too long in a handshake make us uneasy at best and even angry at worst.  Hugging your dog, squeezing your cat, forcing them to receive attention from you on a whim/when they are resting etc., makes them uneasy at best and angry at worst.  While some cats and dogs seek out close contact all the time, others need more alone time to feel comfortable and recharge their social batteries, so to speak.  Knowing which of those pets you share your home with is key.  And respecting those boundaries makes for a more peaceful quarantine, with less anxiety all around.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Let grooming cats be!  Nacho has chosen an outdoor chair in the sunshine where he can groom and nap without interruptions!