Am I Really Being Selfish?

That was the question posed to me by a woman at a recent, private book signing event.  First off, a big thank you to all of you who attended that event!  I can't believe folks are still reading my memoir, wanting to meet me, and get their copies signed.  Makes me giddy every time I think about it.  Anyway, I always do questions and answers during these events and most people come with great behavior questions or anecdotes to share about their pets.  This woman, however, hesitated to even raise her hand and ask her question.  She told me after the event that it was okay to share her story as she intended to send it to her family as proof that she had sought advice. So, here goes!

This woman has not had a dog in almost 20 years.  She had dogs before she got married, but her husband was allergic to dogs (or so he said), so they didn't have any dogs while they were raising their two kids. She's recently divorced and her kids are off at college, so she was feeling like this would be a great time to get a dog for herself.  She said she was looking for "the unconditional love and companionship that only a dog can provide."  When she told her family about her plan to get a dog, they told her she was being selfish to even consider it!  They said she would be limiting herself and her ability to travel, visit her kids at school, or attend family events and social occasions. I'm pretty sure you all already know what I told her, and any of you with dogs in your life are probably bristling at those comments from her family.

I told her that making the decision to open her home and heart to a dog was a noble one.  Dogs absolutely provide love and companionship to their caretakers. They keep us to a schedule, make sure we get our step count in every day, and remind us to stop and smell the flowers.  And the trees. And the bushes.  And where that other dog peed.  They keep us company while we read, watch TV, or prepare meals.  If allowed, they will share our couch and our bed.  They love to learn new things and be challenged appropriately.  That means that a well-trained dog can go most places their owner goes, as long as that place allows dogs.  Meaning, well-trained dogs can vacation with you, visit college towns, and stay in hotels, Airbnb's, and your friends' homes.  To tell this woman that she was selfish couldn't have been further from the truth. She had, in fact, been agonizing over this decision for months.  Her family relies on her to step up and take care of aging family members, and be available at a moment's notice, something she may be less able to do if she can't, in fact, bring her dog with her.  But here's the thing:  Should she really be the only person in her extended family taking care of these responsibilities?  Shouldn't she be allowed to find some joy for herself? I don't see that as selfish (or foolish) at all. She deserves happiness too and if a dog helps her feel fulfilled and happy, they let's find her a canine companion!

We talked for quite a bit after the event was over.  She said she felt very supported by the group at the event as a whole.  There were some pretty vocal supporters there and they make me smile even now just thinking about them.  They basically told her that her family would learn to embrace her as a dog lover again, or they'd need to find someone else to do all those extra tasks for themselves!  Dog lovers really are there for one another and I think this woman made some new friends as well.

I'm looking forward to working with her and her new dog once she decides whether to get a puppy, or look for a young adult dog, or even a sweet senior to segue back into the world of dog ownership.  Her kids sound pretty supportive which I think will help a lot.  And honestly, who can't help but fall in love with the dog who helped someone step back into their life?  Dogs are a priceless gift we give ourselves and they ask for very little in return.  Maybe that is selfish, but I don't think our dogs would have it any other way.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Get you a dog that looks at you the way Zelly looks at my daughter!