What Does it Mean?

As many of you know, I'm teaching a seminar on body language right now for one of my favorite dog trainers.  I love when she invites me to teach seminars for her as I get to meet some really fantastic dog owners in the process!  During the first meeting (there are just two meetings in this seminar series), I got some great questions which all seemed to start with the phrase, "What does it mean when...?"  Here's one of those questions and why I felt it was really important to share the question and my response here with you as well.

A class participant wanted to know what it meant when her dog climbed up her body, front legs around her neck, and stretched himself so he could rest his head on top of hers.  Another dog owner in class added that she'd always understood behavior like that to be about the dog asserting dominance over the owner.  At this point, a cute, large breed puppy attending class with her owner, proceeded to demonstrate what this looks like, by scaling her way into her owner's lap, sighing happily and resting her head on her owner's shoulder. We all laughed as clearly, at least far as this puppy was concerned, such behavior wasn't about dominance.  So why do dogs do this?  The answer is very simple: They do this to seek attention through physical connection with us. It's a display of contentment and affection and meant to communicate their feelings of comfort with us. Dogs do a version of this with each other too.  The classic "dog pile," a heap of tired dogs, all sleeping on top of or over one another, is about physical connection, contentment, and affiliation.  It's also great for keeping warm!

Now, sure, some dogs who are feeling insecure will also climb up onto their owners as a way to escape what is making them fearful, but, again, they are seeking closeness with their humans in order to feel less stressed and anxious.  It's a compliment, really, that they feel like you can make the icky stuff go away for them.  They trust you to fix it. And after 30,000 years of coevolution, it's our job to fix it, right?

It is an outdated idea that a dog putting its head on your shoulder or head, putting its paws on your shoulders in a hug, or a dog jumping into your lap, etc. are about dominance.  Those types of archaic notions end up hurting dogs and their relationship with their humans.  If you, for example, were to correct your dog for these behaviors, I'm certain that they would eventually stop doing them, but what a shame!  Stopping them from showing affection, attention, and affiliation?  Discouraging them from showing you how much they appreciate your bond with them?  Sounds cruel and unnecessary to me.  Dogs deserve better; they deserve people making a wholehearted attempt to understand where they are coming from and what they are trying to say, without words, using their bodies.  And this, my friends, is why I teach this body language seminar every chance I get.  Dogs need my help to teach their owners what they are "saying" and I'm here for that every single time.

And, as always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Henley loves to cuddle and always has.  As a puppy, he'd want to be picked up and held, often riding on shoulders as you see in this photo.  As a 75 lb young adult dog now, he still likes to lay on laps, and he sleeps with me at night, his head across my neck.  I feel privileged that he's chosen me as his person and our relationship is strong and built on trust, love, mutual understanding, and plenty of cookies!

Routine Maintenance

I took my car in for service last week.  It was just routine maintenance (oil change, tire, rotation, etc.) and I'm sure you know the drill when it comes to maintaining your vehicle to keep it in good working condition.  While I was waiting for my car to be done, I got to thinking about routine maintenance as it applies to other things.  Which, of course, led me to thinking about our pets and what "routine maintenance" could mean for them, beyond the obvious yearly (or biannual, if your pet is a senior) physical exam and blood work.

If your pet had a behavior problem and you solved it, kudos to you!  But did you realize that you have to keep doing routine maintenance with them to ensure that the problem doesn't return AND to make sure that you are still reinforcing them for the absence of that behavior problem? Let me give you an example.

Let's say your dog was previously fearful of riding in the car.  You worked with him slowly, getting him used to being around the car while you washed it, perhaps, building up to sitting in the car with the doors open and then closed. And you slowly worked your way to starting the car in the driveway, and then to a slow drive around the block.  Eventually, you worked up to longer distances away, all the while reinforcing your dog for not being afraid of the car. You used really high value treats to do this and lots of praise.  Now, your dog rides in the car like a champ, even getting excited when you ask him if he wants to go for a ride, tail wagging in anticipation.  Did you notice, however, that he drools a bit, licks his lips, or seems to be looking at you for a treat while wagging that tail in anticipation of the car ride?  He's doing that because he's actually anticipating the positive reinforcement (the yummy, high value treats) that you desensitized him to the car with! Sure, you could pat him on the head and tell him he's a good boy, but really, he wants that treat, the one that rewarded him all those times before for being brave and learning to deal with a moving vehicle.  So, what does this mean for you?  It just means that you should still use treats for car rides.  You don't need to use as many, but you should certainly use a few.  Maybe one for being happy to go with you to the car, and another for getting in, and maybe one more when you get home from the car ride. Thus, you are reinforcing the absence of his fear, ensuring that he still understands how rewarding it is to NOT be afraid of car rides.

Now, I'm not suggesting you dish out treats for every behavior that your dog knows and that you wish to see maintained. I am, however, suggesting that you think about it a little bit more and keep yourself prepared.  While your dog knows to sit when asked, perhaps a treat when he does so without being asked AND when he's being approached by a stranger for attention, might be a good time to reinforce that basic behavior as part of his routine maintenance. In order to do this, all you would need to remember to do is to keep treats in your pocket.  And, seriously, who doesn't have treats in their pocket? I know I do!

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Westley used to hate riding in the car. He'd quiver, pant, drool, and sometimes vomit.  Clearly he was afraid of the car and ultimately getting carsick as well, but living with my daughter meant lots of car rides in his life, some quite long road trips, so we needed to help him move through his fears right off the bat.  We worked with Westley during his first summer with us, building up his tolerance and ultimately his enjoyment of car rides. Now, he rides in the car like a champ, often trying to "call shotgun" as you see in this photo. He's a happy car companion now, and we definitely do routine maintenance with him to make sure he stays that way.

Blended Families

In last week's blog post, I mentioned dogs that don't like kids.  Yes, it's true.  There are a lot of dogs who really don't like kids, their own family's or otherwise.  A lot of dogs just learn to tolerate kids. And there are some dogs whose behavior is incompatible with life in a home with children.  All joking aside, you can't get rid of the kids, so it's usually the dog that has to move on to a new home.  Truly moving the dog on to a better living situation is key, no matter how much you love your dog.  You want to protect your dog (and your kids); having your dog pushed to his limits, to the point of aggression, will limit his options for a new home environment.  Better to help him find that space before one of your kids gets bitten.  Which brings me to a client I saw early this week, after she'd read my blog last week.  Here's her story with some details changed to protect her privacy, but she wanted her story shared.

My client married her husband last summer and at that point they combined households; up until that time, she maintained her separate home which included her 5 year old, male, mixed breed dog and her fiance maintained his home which was pet-free, except for a pair of goldfish.  Her new husband also has two children under the age of 12 who live with him part-time.  During the period of time that they were together before they married, he brought his kids with him to her house to visit and they met her dog there.  For the most part, her dog avoided the kids, choosing to go hang out in his crate in her bedroom.  She had diligently explained to the kids that they shouldn't take this personally, and that they should respect his safe space and leave him alone while he was in there, which they did. Her husband-to-be kept saying, "Oh, he'll get used to the kids once he's around them more often," but my client knew otherwise in her heart of hearts.  You see, her dog didn't just avoid his kids, her dog avoided all kids. Kids in the neighborhood, her sister's kids, her best friend's kids, and kids in his puppy class when he was younger.  To put it plainly, her dog didn't like kids.  He was smart, however, and just avoided them, but she was worried about what would happen when they moved in together. 

Once they combined households, it went downhill pretty fast. It took time for her dog to adjust to the new home and not having his owner's undivided attention. Luckily, her new husband made an effort with the dog, taking him for walks, giving him treats, and playing fetch with him, his favorite game.  The problems really started when the kids were there every other weekend.  While he seemed to begrudgingly accept them there on Thursday nights for dinner (he just stayed in his crate), he was really discombobulated when they were there for two days straight. 

He began with some mild self-mutilation, chewing on his feet and tail until he created sores in those areas. He became reclusive on those weekends, rarely venturing out of his crate unless he had to use the bathroom.  His favorite time of day on those weekends were late evenings when the kids were in bed and he could quietly coexist with his adult humans. Her vet had recommended me after the self-mutilation was determined to be a behavior problem and not related to allergies, but the owner had waited, thinking her dog just needed time to adjust.  Unfortunately, she waited too long and her dog snapped at one of the kids, creating a huge issue for her new marriage and for her relationship with her new spouse's ex-wife who was livid that her kids were living in a home with an "aggressive dog."  This is when I finally came into the picture.

I suggested that we meet on neutral ground and have all the adults and the dog present.  Given the nature of what we were discussing, I thought it best for the kids not to be there.  I chose a park for us to meet and asked that the couple bring the dog a few minutes earlier, before the ex-wife arrived, so I could meet the dog ahead of time.  I found this dog to be bright, engaging, friendly but not effusive.  He was interested in me, took treats and responded to requests, even letting me walk him away from his owners on a leash, walking back without pulling.  He presented as a well-mannered, well-cared for dog.  He did not present as anxious, until a couple of kids entered the park and began kicking a ball near where we were meeting. He became wary at this point, choosing to lay down under the picnic table rather than out by the humans.  He kept an eye on those kids until they moved on.

I explained to this blended family that while I really liked this dog and thought he was a delightful companion animal, he was no longer the right animal for this family.  He was wonderful with adults, but clearly anxious with children and it was unfair to him to force him to live, albeit part-time, with kids.  He was never going to accept them, enjoy them, or want to be around them. No amount of training, treats, or coaxing was going to change that. While I've certainly met more than one dog whose affections for anyone could readily be bought with yummy treats, this dog was not one of them. He wanted nothing to do with those kids, really anyone's kids, and he'd made that quite clear. It was now up to the humans to set aside their feelings and do right by this dog. For the sake of her marriage and life now as a step-mother, and for the safety of the kids, my client needed to re-home her dog. 

As you might imagine, my client was devastated by this.  I told her that she shouldn't delay this as it would just make things harder for her and riskier for the kids as up until this point her dog had only hurt himself.  He'd warned the kids, but stopped there.  He could certainly move on to a bite and at that point he'd be much harder to place.  She knew she needed to find a home for him with someone outside her immediate circle of friends and family who all had kids or grandkids in their lives.  Ultimately, she found someone at work who was interested in taking him, a nice older woman without kids or grandkids, who had really wanted a dog but who didn't want to raise a puppy and go through puppyhood and adolescence. My client asked if I would meet with this new owner and help make the transition easier for all involved, which I will do.  So far, however, it seems like it's working out, so we'll see what happens once this dog settles into his new home environment.  I know one thing for sure:  Everyone is heaving a big sigh of relief.  This was a sad situation, but one that could have been much worse if they hadn't addressed it when they did.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Desi absolutely LOVED kids. Mine, the ones in our neighborhood, and even my friends' kids.  This made him an ideal therapy dog for schools and library visits.  Ozzie has learned to tolerate kids, but they aren't his favorite.  Henley and Westley love kids, which is really nice.  They'll be able to do therapy visits where kids are involved versus Ozzie whose visits are all with adults, which is his preference. 

I Understand Your Frustration!

I really do understand your frustration. It's infuriating when your cat marks indoors or your dog lunges and snaps at other dogs. I know you feel helpless when your dog tries to bite the mail carrier.  I know you feel like a bad pet parent when your cats aren't getting along or your dog doesn't like your kids.  I get it.  Behavior problems are a hassle.  If you've had pets for years and never experienced a behavior problem with one (or more!) of them, you are incredibly fortunate.  Even my veterinarian friends and dog trainer friends have had to deal with behavior problems in their own homes. It can happen to anybody. BUT.  You simply cannot take out your frustration on your vet, your dog trainer, your behaviorist, or your pet. Believe it or not, we really do want to help you, but you have to be open to helping yourself.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  You are not going to fix your pet's issue simply by making a phone call or scheduling an appointment.  There will be work to do and YOU, the pet parent, will have to do it.  Sending a dog off to boot camp will not only cost you a pretty penny, but it is very unlikely to solve the issues you sent them to boot camp for. I've worked with numerous clients following an expensive and unsuccessful trip to doggie boot camp. You need to do the work yourself, guided by a reputable dog trainer, or a behaviorist, if the problems are related to anxiety and not simply related to issues in obedience/control. And even if we do decide to utilize anti-anxiety medication for your pet, it's not an instant panacea. Anti-anxiety medications, while helpful in certain cases, are not magic.  It will not be like night and day, with your pet magically fixed just because you started them on a course of Prozac. Especially if they've only been on the drug for a week!  It's a marathon, not a sprint.  All that those medications do is change your pet's brain chemistry, making them more relaxed and able to focus on what you are teaching them in terms of alternate behaviors.  Yes, YOU are the one teaching them the alternate behaviors because you are the human who lives with them 24/7.  I'll show you what to do, but I don't live with you. You've got to be consistent, patient, and persistent in your quest for better, more appropriate behavior, from your pet.

Now, let's talk about your pet.  They didn't read the behavior books.  They didn't look up their symptoms on the internet.  You did those things for them and as such, they will not be changing their behavior without some resistance.  Why, you ask, does your pet resist changing their behavior?  Well, my friends, because those behaviors have worked for them in the past, fulfilling some inherent need they have, whether that's a need for control, a need to distance themselves from other animals, a need to fulfill their prey drive, or a need to establish boundaries on what is theirs and worth defending. It's your job to teach them that these alternate behaviors will fulfill their needs in a more acceptable (to you) way AND that you will reward them for those changes in their behavior.

I know we've talked about this a million times, but if you really want a behavior to change, you have to pay your pet for making those changes, or those steps toward those changes (shaping).  Holding out on the treats until they are 100% on the behavior change isn't going to end well.  And people who tell me that they don't want to use treats because then their pets will rely on treats to comply, clearly don't understand transactional communication.  There is communication going on between you and your pet all the time and you need to mark those transactions that go well using a form of currency your pet enjoys.  It does no good to offer your dog a dry cookie if they don't consider that a proper payment. Now, you don't need to be held hostage by your pet for filet mignon. I'm only saying, understand what they consider rewarding, and use that to your advantage.  Don't bribe them to change their behavior, pay them for actually do it.

Finally, while we are on the topic of currency, one more thought:  While your veterinarian, groomer, dog trainer, and behaviorist all love animals and want to help them (otherwise why would we be doing this?!), we don't work for free.  We all have bills to pay, families to support, and pets to feed too.  Yes, I know it's expensive to pay your animal practitioners and maybe just a little frustrating that you are paying them AND you are the one who also has to implement what they said/did/gave you to do.  But that's the thing. You are paying them for their knowledge and expertise which didn't come cheap.  Your vet knows that medication will help your pet, for example, but it's not their job to give it to your pet successfully every day to treat the problem. That's your job. And if you can't give a pill to your cat or your dog, then by all means, ask for help!  But do expect to pay for that help, that's only fair.

I'm currently having my own frustration as my bathroom is torn up for repairs.  It wasn't built properly before I moved in, and now I'm the one dealing with the consequences of that.  Kind of like rescuing a dog.  My bathroom seemed good, I liked the way it looked, but ultimately it has issues that require a professional to fix.  And I'll be paying my professional for his knowledge and expertise, knowing that, in the end, I'll have a beautiful, functional, usable bathroom that I can be proud of, show off to my friends, and use for years to come.  Hopefully, you'll be just as proud of your pet after we work together that you won't be able to wait to show them off too.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

That's Henley in the background, dreaming, I'm sure, of an office without a toilet in the middle of it, sometime soon.

That's A Really Good Question!

I had a doctor's appointment last week and at the end of my appointment, the doctor asked me if I thought there was one particular reason that people are bitten by a cat or dog (apparently, she'd treated three bites right around Christmas time). I told her that this was a really good question and one that people should really give more thought to if they share a home with dogs, cats, or both.

I believe the primary reason anyone is bitten by a cat or dog, their own or otherwise, is that they misread, or flat out didn't read, the body language cues given to them by the animal.  Both dogs and cats use body language as a primary form of communication with each other and with us.  A dog understands what a cat arching its back means, just as a cat understands what a crouched, slow moving dog is saying. They don't have to speak the same "language" to be able to "read" each other's intent.  Our pets spend all day everyday in our company, so they are adept at reading our body language, as well as our verbal cues.  Us understanding what our pets are saying with their body language is imperative to a good relationship with them.  Not only will you have a better understanding of what motivates your pet, and why they feel the way they do at any given time, it's just a good safety practice.  If you are at least minimally adept at reading body language cues from your pets, you have a much better chance of avoiding a bite.  I think this is one of the main reasons that kids are bitten so frequently; they are simply too young and too egocentric to have a keen grasp of body language in another species. Rather than heeding warnings from the family pets, many children push those pets beyond their comfort level resulting in a bite. When this happens, the pets are blamed and often punished, banished, and ultimately removed.  While I agree with separating kids from pets that are unsafe to be around, I also feel that educating kids, even very young children, to better understand what their cats and dogs are telling them is important.  The funny (not so funny really) thing about all of this is that when I meet kids who have been bitten by a cat or dog, I often find that their parents/grandparents missed the cues too!

I know I've talked about the importance of understanding body language many times here on my blog and even suggested books for you to pick up for a better handle on this topic, and yet I still get calls every week from people who've been bitten, or narrowly missed being bitten.  The bottom line? A lot of bites could be avoided simply by giving that animal a choice, an out, or the ability and space to walk away.  Rather than approaching a pet and patting them, get their attention and call them to you. If they don't perk up and head your way, they aren't interested in interacting. If you insist on approaching them, okay, go ahead and do that, but don't corner them; always make sure that they can exit the space safely without having to go around you. One of the first things I teach kids in homes with pets is to avoid approaching the pet, but instead wait for the pet to come to them.  It's the rare dog or cat that seeks out a child to bite them and much more likely that they bit the child because the child came at them and there was no way to avoid it.

I think the reason my doctor saw so many bites in the span of a week is simply this:  The holidays are a stressful time for everyone, including our pets. People are dressing their pets up, forcing them to pose for pictures, putting their kids into those pictures as well, sitting on or laying on the dog, holding the cat like a ragdoll, etc. There are guests invading their home territories, strange foods, plants, and decor they aren't allowed to touch or investigate, all adding to their heightened arousal and agitation.  Giving pets an out, a choice to be involved in family activities, or to remove themselves, is the key.  Not pushing interactions, but instead allowing pets to choose what they are comfortable doing and what they wish to avoid.

Now, sure, it's possible to be bitten by an animal that doesn't live with you and whose body language cues were unfamiliar to you. However, this is a bit less likely because, again, dog and cat body language are universal.  If you are a runner being chased by a dog, stop running.  You'll never outrun a quadraped! Instead, stop, drop your hands at your sides, and avoid eye contact. Hopefully, the dog will sniff you, determine you aren't a threat to their territory, and move on.  You should probably still carry an air horn or pepper spray, just in case, but again, keeping a cool head and not escalating the situation by misreading each other's body language, could very well avoid a bite in the first place.

After going through all of these thoughts on the subject with my doctor, I finished by saying, are you sorry you asked, LOL!  She laughed and said she was glad she'd asked and had a better idea now going forward as to what she should say to her patients following a bite.  Basically, cats and dogs rarely bite for no reason.  You just need to make the effort to understand their reasoning and the best way to do that is to be able to speak the same language, the language of body cues.

That's it for this week.  And remember, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Henley's body language here is pretty clear.  He's sound asleep in the classic smooth collie "not a care in the world" pose. While I'm 99.9% sure that I could walk over and start petting him when he's like this, I don't ever do that.  Why?  Because I don't want to startle him.  Am I being overly cautious?  No. I'm just being a respectful human.