My client married her husband last summer and at that point they combined households; up until that time, she maintained her separate home which included her 5 year old, male, mixed breed dog and her fiance maintained his home which was pet-free, except for a pair of goldfish. Her new husband also has two children under the age of 12 who live with him part-time. During the period of time that they were together before they married, he brought his kids with him to her house to visit and they met her dog there. For the most part, her dog avoided the kids, choosing to go hang out in his crate in her bedroom. She had diligently explained to the kids that they shouldn't take this personally, and that they should respect his safe space and leave him alone while he was in there, which they did. Her husband-to-be kept saying, "Oh, he'll get used to the kids once he's around them more often," but my client knew otherwise in her heart of hearts. You see, her dog didn't just avoid his kids, her dog avoided all kids. Kids in the neighborhood, her sister's kids, her best friend's kids, and kids in his puppy class when he was younger. To put it plainly, her dog didn't like kids. He was smart, however, and just avoided them, but she was worried about what would happen when they moved in together.
Once they combined households, it went downhill pretty fast. It took time for her dog to adjust to the new home and not having his owner's undivided attention. Luckily, her new husband made an effort with the dog, taking him for walks, giving him treats, and playing fetch with him, his favorite game. The problems really started when the kids were there every other weekend. While he seemed to begrudgingly accept them there on Thursday nights for dinner (he just stayed in his crate), he was really discombobulated when they were there for two days straight.
He began with some mild self-mutilation, chewing on his feet and tail until he created sores in those areas. He became reclusive on those weekends, rarely venturing out of his crate unless he had to use the bathroom. His favorite time of day on those weekends were late evenings when the kids were in bed and he could quietly coexist with his adult humans. Her vet had recommended me after the self-mutilation was determined to be a behavior problem and not related to allergies, but the owner had waited, thinking her dog just needed time to adjust. Unfortunately, she waited too long and her dog snapped at one of the kids, creating a huge issue for her new marriage and for her relationship with her new spouse's ex-wife who was livid that her kids were living in a home with an "aggressive dog." This is when I finally came into the picture.
I suggested that we meet on neutral ground and have all the adults and the dog present. Given the nature of what we were discussing, I thought it best for the kids not to be there. I chose a park for us to meet and asked that the couple bring the dog a few minutes earlier, before the ex-wife arrived, so I could meet the dog ahead of time. I found this dog to be bright, engaging, friendly but not effusive. He was interested in me, took treats and responded to requests, even letting me walk him away from his owners on a leash, walking back without pulling. He presented as a well-mannered, well-cared for dog. He did not present as anxious, until a couple of kids entered the park and began kicking a ball near where we were meeting. He became wary at this point, choosing to lay down under the picnic table rather than out by the humans. He kept an eye on those kids until they moved on.
I explained to this blended family that while I really liked this dog and thought he was a delightful companion animal, he was no longer the right animal for this family. He was wonderful with adults, but clearly anxious with children and it was unfair to him to force him to live, albeit part-time, with kids. He was never going to accept them, enjoy them, or want to be around them. No amount of training, treats, or coaxing was going to change that. While I've certainly met more than one dog whose affections for anyone could readily be bought with yummy treats, this dog was not one of them. He wanted nothing to do with those kids, really anyone's kids, and he'd made that quite clear. It was now up to the humans to set aside their feelings and do right by this dog. For the sake of her marriage and life now as a step-mother, and for the safety of the kids, my client needed to re-home her dog.
As you might imagine, my client was devastated by this. I told her that she shouldn't delay this as it would just make things harder for her and riskier for the kids as up until this point her dog had only hurt himself. He'd warned the kids, but stopped there. He could certainly move on to a bite and at that point he'd be much harder to place. She knew she needed to find a home for him with someone outside her immediate circle of friends and family who all had kids or grandkids in their lives. Ultimately, she found someone at work who was interested in taking him, a nice older woman without kids or grandkids, who had really wanted a dog but who didn't want to raise a puppy and go through puppyhood and adolescence. My client asked if I would meet with this new owner and help make the transition easier for all involved, which I will do. So far, however, it seems like it's working out, so we'll see what happens once this dog settles into his new home environment. I know one thing for sure: Everyone is heaving a big sigh of relief. This was a sad situation, but one that could have been much worse if they hadn't addressed it when they did.
As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.
Desi absolutely LOVED kids. Mine, the ones in our neighborhood, and even my friends' kids. This made him an ideal therapy dog for schools and library visits. Ozzie has learned to tolerate kids, but they aren't his favorite. Henley and Westley love kids, which is really nice. They'll be able to do therapy visits where kids are involved versus Ozzie whose visits are all with adults, which is his preference.
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