I Understand Your Frustration!

I really do understand your frustration. It's infuriating when your cat marks indoors or your dog lunges and snaps at other dogs. I know you feel helpless when your dog tries to bite the mail carrier.  I know you feel like a bad pet parent when your cats aren't getting along or your dog doesn't like your kids.  I get it.  Behavior problems are a hassle.  If you've had pets for years and never experienced a behavior problem with one (or more!) of them, you are incredibly fortunate.  Even my veterinarian friends and dog trainer friends have had to deal with behavior problems in their own homes. It can happen to anybody. BUT.  You simply cannot take out your frustration on your vet, your dog trainer, your behaviorist, or your pet. Believe it or not, we really do want to help you, but you have to be open to helping yourself.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  You are not going to fix your pet's issue simply by making a phone call or scheduling an appointment.  There will be work to do and YOU, the pet parent, will have to do it.  Sending a dog off to boot camp will not only cost you a pretty penny, but it is very unlikely to solve the issues you sent them to boot camp for. I've worked with numerous clients following an expensive and unsuccessful trip to doggie boot camp. You need to do the work yourself, guided by a reputable dog trainer, or a behaviorist, if the problems are related to anxiety and not simply related to issues in obedience/control. And even if we do decide to utilize anti-anxiety medication for your pet, it's not an instant panacea. Anti-anxiety medications, while helpful in certain cases, are not magic.  It will not be like night and day, with your pet magically fixed just because you started them on a course of Prozac. Especially if they've only been on the drug for a week!  It's a marathon, not a sprint.  All that those medications do is change your pet's brain chemistry, making them more relaxed and able to focus on what you are teaching them in terms of alternate behaviors.  Yes, YOU are the one teaching them the alternate behaviors because you are the human who lives with them 24/7.  I'll show you what to do, but I don't live with you. You've got to be consistent, patient, and persistent in your quest for better, more appropriate behavior, from your pet.

Now, let's talk about your pet.  They didn't read the behavior books.  They didn't look up their symptoms on the internet.  You did those things for them and as such, they will not be changing their behavior without some resistance.  Why, you ask, does your pet resist changing their behavior?  Well, my friends, because those behaviors have worked for them in the past, fulfilling some inherent need they have, whether that's a need for control, a need to distance themselves from other animals, a need to fulfill their prey drive, or a need to establish boundaries on what is theirs and worth defending. It's your job to teach them that these alternate behaviors will fulfill their needs in a more acceptable (to you) way AND that you will reward them for those changes in their behavior.

I know we've talked about this a million times, but if you really want a behavior to change, you have to pay your pet for making those changes, or those steps toward those changes (shaping).  Holding out on the treats until they are 100% on the behavior change isn't going to end well.  And people who tell me that they don't want to use treats because then their pets will rely on treats to comply, clearly don't understand transactional communication.  There is communication going on between you and your pet all the time and you need to mark those transactions that go well using a form of currency your pet enjoys.  It does no good to offer your dog a dry cookie if they don't consider that a proper payment. Now, you don't need to be held hostage by your pet for filet mignon. I'm only saying, understand what they consider rewarding, and use that to your advantage.  Don't bribe them to change their behavior, pay them for actually do it.

Finally, while we are on the topic of currency, one more thought:  While your veterinarian, groomer, dog trainer, and behaviorist all love animals and want to help them (otherwise why would we be doing this?!), we don't work for free.  We all have bills to pay, families to support, and pets to feed too.  Yes, I know it's expensive to pay your animal practitioners and maybe just a little frustrating that you are paying them AND you are the one who also has to implement what they said/did/gave you to do.  But that's the thing. You are paying them for their knowledge and expertise which didn't come cheap.  Your vet knows that medication will help your pet, for example, but it's not their job to give it to your pet successfully every day to treat the problem. That's your job. And if you can't give a pill to your cat or your dog, then by all means, ask for help!  But do expect to pay for that help, that's only fair.

I'm currently having my own frustration as my bathroom is torn up for repairs.  It wasn't built properly before I moved in, and now I'm the one dealing with the consequences of that.  Kind of like rescuing a dog.  My bathroom seemed good, I liked the way it looked, but ultimately it has issues that require a professional to fix.  And I'll be paying my professional for his knowledge and expertise, knowing that, in the end, I'll have a beautiful, functional, usable bathroom that I can be proud of, show off to my friends, and use for years to come.  Hopefully, you'll be just as proud of your pet after we work together that you won't be able to wait to show them off too.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

That's Henley in the background, dreaming, I'm sure, of an office without a toilet in the middle of it, sometime soon.