I Understand Your Frustration!

The most common question (and one I've addressed before here in my blog) that I get asked is, "How long will it take to fix this?" The second most common question? "Why does my dog DO this?!  My friend's dog (neighbor's dog, sister's dog, co-worker's dog, the dog I had before...) is the same breed and she doesn't do this!" Believe me, I understand your frustration.  If you always acquire the same breed of dog, or everyone in your family or friend circle does, then comparisons are inevitable. But here's the thing.  No two dogs are alike, even if they were born in the same litter, raised in the same family, etc.  Each dog, just like every person, is an individual.  Each individual human or dog is continually altered by external factors.  We are all products of our genetics AND our experiences.  While something environmental like a thunder storm might have profound effects on one dog or person based on their personal experiences with loud noises, it can also be something that has little effect on other people or dogs in the same family.  Your individual personality affects how you cope with obstacles thrown in your path and experiences that you face.  Personality plays a role in the behavior of our pets as well.

We now know that sociability in dogs can be ranked on a scale from 100% extrovert to 100% introvert, and all the levels in between. For example,  not all puppies are social butterflies, making activities like puppy classes, puppy socials, and puppy play dates incredibly stressful for those puppies to navigate. While puppy classes are good for the humans as well, forcing those puppies to go when they clearly are uncomfortable and in distress can result in long term, negative, behavioral consequences.  Better for the humans to attend the classes sans puppy and apply what they learn in class, at home, on their own. Introverted puppies and dogs often do better working at activities one-on-one with their owners.  So, agility and nosework are two sports that I've seen more than one introverted dog excel in; they don't have to interact with other dogs directly AND they get to focus on an activity that brings them joy with their owner. 

It is certainly true that breeders who incorporate Puppy Culture type programs into their litter raising routine often produce puppies who are better at "rolling with the punches," so to speak. It isn't that puppies who complete these programs in their breeders' homes are smarter, more competent, or more capable than their peers raised in different situations, it's simply that these puppies have experienced more sounds, surfaces, lights, textures, etc., so that they, regardless of personality type, have the ability to cope with novel situations thrown their way.  Puppy Culture puppies seem to learn some resilience from having these early experiences with the support of their dam and littermates. They may still be introverts (or extroverts!) when all is said and done, but they will know how to bounce back from experiences that can behaviorally cripple other puppies. It just makes them more pliable.

So, even if you always have had Golden Retrievers, and you always get females, this doesn't mean that female Golden you just purchased from a breeder will be like all the others. Why? Because even if you always use the same breeder, the genetics of the parent dogs ARE different; they, too, were affected by their experiences.  It is even the case that puppies are affected in-utero by stressors felt by their mothers. So, while generally speaking, always getting female Golden Retrievers may make things somewhat more predictable for you as a dog owner, you, too, will need to be flexible.  Your new puppy may be bolder or more fearful, sensitive or hard-headed, a fast learner or a pup needing lots of repetition.  Why?  Because she's an individual.  Parents are always told not to compare their children. Well, you know what? Don't compare your dogs either!  

Let's circle back to that second most commonly asked question of why does the dog behave this way. It behaves that way because of her genetics and her experiences before you even met her.  Now that she lives with you, her behavior is affected by the choices you make for her. Be flexible. Just because a martingale collar was right for your last dog doesn't mean it will be the right choice for this one.  And just because he's a Labrador that doesn't mean he'll love water or want to fetch a ball all day long.  I can attest to this fact having had a Labrador who hated water and never fetched a toy her entire life.  You know what she was good at though?  Keeping up with young children and protecting them. She was a champion at these tasks and for that, I will always be grateful.  She begrudgingly followed them on the slip-n-slide and would run with them when they kicked a ball, but those were not activities she chose for herself, and we never forced her.  Love the dog you're with, not the one you thought you were getting.

We're all trying to make the best choices that we can for our pets.  Sometimes those choices are no brainers, while other times, we can stew and fret over them.  Henley is my third collie puppy; we've had numerous collies over the years, but I've only raised three from puppyhood.  He is similar to Cooper (my first collie puppy) and to Ozzie (my goofy Lassie descendant dog) in that he's a fast learner. All three were puppies you could show something to one time, and they got it. They'd all test you to see if your boundaries were firm and non-negotiable, but they got it.  How is Henley different?  Well, he's the most confident collie puppy we've ever had.  Noises don't bother him (some noises still cause Westley anxiety), he accepted a collar the first time it was put on him (Ozzie fought every collar we tried on him and ultimately had to be desensitized to wearing one at all), and he walks on a leash with the big dogs like he was made for it, no apprehension, no hesitation, no concerns.  Because he is a bold and confident puppy, I feel the need to protect him even more; it's my job to make sure he doesn't just skip his way into a situation that's too much for a puppy his age to handle. I scoop him up when we see other dogs on the street; I make sure his greetings with new humans don't include mouthing them or jumping up; and I carry him when we are out in public spaces on errands. He's getting kind of big to be carried, but I know he feels safe in my arms or over my shoulder and that allows him to explore places he might otherwise not be able to go yet as he's not fully vaccinated. It's funny. Henley was born on my daughter's birthday and he's very much like she was as a child.  She, too, was bold and confident, only crying when things didn't go her way.  Henley is exactly the same. Go figure.  I don't know if you believe in Zodiac signs, but I sure do.  These two are both Aries through and through.  So, yes, I do get frustrated with Henley (and my daughter!) but that doesn't make me love him (or her) any less.  He is different from our other collies, and I love that. He's going to keep me on my toes and I wouldn't have it any other way.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Here's Henley last week, at 12 weeks old.  He went with me to get my hair cut and spent our time there in the salon sitting on my lap, or parked on his mat chewing his bone and getting treats for being quiet and doing his basic behaviors, when asked. He charmed my hairdresser and the other patrons in the shop.  It was a good day to be a confident, collie puppy.  Here he is, sitting in the salon chair like he owns the place.  Definitely an Aries!