Did I Wait Too Long?

That's the question I received not once, but three times this week already!  The short answer is, "No!"  It's never too late to work with your pets on a behavior problem.  Sure, it's probably best to work on the problem as soon as it arises, but honestly, most people wait.  They wait to see if it will get better on its own; they wait to see if their pet will outgrow the problem; they wait to see if the problem gets worse; they wait to see if they can google a solution (or twelve) to try first; or they wait for their veterinarian to tell them they've actually got a problem. Sure, I'd prefer you came to me as soon as problems arise so that we can keep them from happening again and/or getting worse, but I understand why you waited. But, now that you have waited, you need to understand why the problem won't be fixed in one phone call.  Remember those twelve "solutions" you found on Google?  Well, I have a list of steps for you as well, and they will require you to do the work with your pet, every day.  While some behavior problems are straightforward, requiring a few changes to get the relief you and your pet are looking for, most will take time, patience, and consistency on your part for real, long term success. 

I'll have a lot of new clients reach out for help this summer.  Why? Because their kids will be home from school and/or they will be taking some time off, and pet behavior problems will arise (or at least become more readily apparent), and they'll need addressing.  I understand that you've got a trip planned and will be gone for a few weeks; I understand that you have guests staying with you for a month; and I understand that your kids are using the pool and having sleepovers.  You need to keep in mind, however, that the work with your pet still needs to get done in spite of all of those fun activities and distractions.  You may have to confine your pet more with guests.  You may have to keep your dog inside when the kids are in the pool.  You may need to hire an experienced pet sitter who is comfortable helping you with the treatment protocol for your pet's specific behavior problem. 

It's never easy to treat a behavior problem.  Yes, some are easier than others, but by and large, the kind of behavior problems pet owners are sent my way for help with fixing, are behavior problems that are going to take some time and creative strategies to get a handle on, and that's okay. That's what I'm here for. I will develop a treatment plan, specific to your pet and your living situation, but you will need to implement that plan and those strategies yourself. I don't live with you and your pet, so I'm going to teach you what to do, and then encourage you to be independent. I'll be here to support you by answering your questions and modifying strategies when we need to, but by and large, the heavy lifting, so to speak, will be up to you and your family.

Ah, and there's the kicker, right?  You AND your family.  You will need the help of your friends and family for this to work.  If your dog jumps on people, for example, then you'll need to have supportive people around that don't allow the dog to get away with jumping on them.  Just one person who says, "I don't mind when he jumps on me!" will make it that much harder to keep your dog from knocking over your elderly aunt when she visits. Everyone has to be on board with the solutions which is why I will suggest to you that when we meet, whether via video or in person, that all family members be present for that appointment. I know it's complicated with everyone's varying schedules and commitments, but it's really important that everyone is on the same page and no one is inadvertently (or maybe even on purpose!) working against the solutions we are trying to put into practice.

So, that's just the long way of saying that you didn't wait too long, so let's get started!  And as I always say, if your pet is having a behavior problem, you know where to find me.

Ozzie hopes everyone has a happy, safe, and fun-filled summer!

More Thoughts on Anxiety

I had a new client reach out for help with her anxious dog. She had a lot of great questions, but her first question was really interesting: She wanted to know if her own anxiety was making her dog's behavior worse. While we know from the research on children that living with an anxious parent can foster anxiety in kids, we also know that there are kids who seem more resistant to this, somehow better able to distance themselves from their parent's anxiety and not experience it for themselves. I think the same is likely true for our pets, particularly our dogs.  Over 30,000 years of co-evolution, we've bred and selected for dogs who are empathetic to humans; we've chosen for ourselves dogs who feel what we feel.  The downside of this is that it is certainly possible that an anxious person will, on occasion, experience feelings that not only overwhelm them, but overwhelm their dog.  This isn't bad necessarily, it's just true.  And if the dog themselves is anxious, they may be less able to cope with their owner's anxiety on a day to day basis. Conversely, an owner who isn't inherently an anxious person may become frustrated and, yes, a bit anxious living with a dog who is chronically anxious. There is one thing we know for sure: Ignoring anxiety will not make it go away. Neither will telling the person (or the pet) to "cowboy up" and power through it.  That's not how anxiety works.

People and pets with anxiety have different brain activity patterns than those who aren't anxious. They have more activity in the amygdala, the region of the brain that plays a crucial role in processing emotions and forming emotional memories, particularly those related to fears and anxieties. They also have more brain activity in their limbic system, that area of the brain that regulates emotions and memories.  Both areas of the brain have a key role in the "fight or flight response" that many pet owners associate with the behavior of their anxious pets. There is even research suggesting that not only do anxious people and pets have different brain activity, but they also have structurally different brains, resulting in them having heightened emotional responses and issues related to cognitive processing.

Anxious people are often told to increase their physical activity because research shows that exercise reduces stress hormones and releases endorphins into the blood stream, thus relieving some of the symptoms of anxiety. The same is true for our anxious pets.  They need those walks, those hikes, those trips to the beach, and that game of fetch.  The problem, however, is that many anxious pets resist exercise.  They put on the brakes and refuse to walk; they try to drag their owners back home; they won't get out of the car (or even into it); and some even hide when it's time to put on the leash. So, while you might be able to convince an anxious human to increase their exercise, it's a bit more difficult to convince your dog, and forcing them to go may backfire resulting in more resistance, more reactivity, more fear, and even more aggression. So, what are you supposed to do if you are living with an anxious dog that you can't walk or take anywhere without making their anxiety worse?

To start, see your veterinarian. You will want to rule out any medical reasons for your pet's behavior.  While you are there, have them run some basic blood work so you'll have a baseline if (and when) you start your pet on anti-anxiety medication.  While you may be able to help your pet get a bit of relief using holistic products like dog appeasing pheromones (DAP), anxiety wraps (ThunderShirt), or CBD (cannabinoids), they likely won't be enough. It's important to bear in mind, however, that going the drug therapy route isn't without its pitfalls as well.

First and foremost remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.  Just because you started your dog on Prozac (fluoxetine), for example, doesn't mean you will see immediate behavioral changes.  Generally speaking, it takes about six weeks before you'll see any potential positive effects from giving Prozac once daily to your pet. True, I've had clients report a few promising changes around four weeks, but I've also had clients who've seen nothing until the three month mark! You have to be in it for the long haul; there will likely be dosage adjustments and you may have to add in other things along the way. For example, if Prozac upsets your dog's stomach, you may have to also give him Pepcid or Prilosec. Keeping a daily log of your pet's behavior once you start Prozac is key so you can track any changes (positive or negative), as well as their appetite, bathroom schedule, and any changes to their sleep patterns.

While you are waiting for the Prozac to kick in, there are things you should be doing.  Even if you can't walk your dog, you should be exercising their brain.  Puzzle feeders, puzzle toys, snuffle mats, etc. are important for all of our dogs, but critically important for the anxious ones. If your dog is noise sensitive, you won't want to get a noisy puzzle toy, choose instead something quiet and stationary like a snuffle mat.  Sniffing our their meals will help to reduce their anxiety and is an easy thing to do a couple of times a day. Just because you can't walk your dog outdoors doesn't mean you can't walk your dog at all!  Get creative: Work on retraining them to enjoy putting on their leash/collar/harness.  Walk them around inside your house.  Do laps. I know it's boring and tedious, but your house is their safe space. Re-teach them to enjoy walks with you.  Focus on helping them not to pull, drop treats for them to find, create barriers to walk around using your furniture or soccer cones. Celebrate those small wins that build their confidence in a less stressful, low stakes, environment.

Don't get discouraged!  For most of my clients with anxious pets, by the time they get to me, they are desperate. Desperate to get out of their house; desperate to be able to go for walks like "normal people do." I get it, I really do. I've lived with more than one anxious dog. And if you, their human, are also experiencing anxiety, get help for yourself. It will be that much harder to help your pet if you've not done the work required to help yourself first. You can empathize with each other as you take those anxiety-reducing walks together once you both have all the tools you need to really succeed and thrive.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Zelly is not a bit anxious, unlike her predecessor, Westley. Nonetheless, Zelly greatly enjoys puzzles and games, and the snuffle mat in particular. Sniffing out her meals is great fun, giving her brain some much needed exercise, and letting that beautiful nose of hers explore safely.

Keeping It Real

I have so enjoyed all of the feedback I've received from the folks who've read my book.  Many of you indicated that certain elements in the book touched your heart, made you laugh, or even made you cry. Knowing that my words could result in such diverse emotions, has made me inordinately happy.  Several people have also told me how much they appreciated my honesty. My honesty about my home life. My honesty about the ups and downs with my own pets.  My honesty regarding what it's like to do what I do, day in and day out.  As one person said, "And here I thought you spent your days just petting dogs."  LOL.  I wish.  The risks involved with what I do and have done in the past seemed to surprise a lot of readers as well.

Here's the thing:  I believe in honesty, transparency, and empathy.  If you ask me what I'd do if I were you, I'll actually tell you, even if it's something you probably don't want to hear. I share my stories to help pet owners better understand their own pets, and give themselves some grace. Nobody's perfect. NOBODY. Anybody who tells you that their kids, pets, or lives are perfect is not being honest with you or themselves.  I don't seek perfection. I seek out relationships with people and their animals that are based on mutual respect, a desire to learn, and a need to better understand how to improve those relationships. It would do my clients a disservice if I didn't share the realities of pet ownership, or at least the realities from my perspective.

After almost 35 years in this business, I know one thing for sure, and that's that I don't know everything! I'm constantly reading books, attending lectures, reviewing research on topics that relate to animal behavior, pet behavior, and behavior problems. I'm a student as well as a teacher.  Every one of you who has gifted me the opportunity to help you and your pet has taught me something valuable. So, thank you!

I did experience burnout several years ago. It happens a lot with caregivers and educators.  For me, I'd reached a point where I wasn't enjoying what I was doing and felt like I just couldn't treat one more animal with issues in aggression without being overwhelmed with frustration and sadness. I pulled back a bit, pursued other interests, and gave myself space to determine what I wanted to do.  I ended up (obviously!) coming back to my role as an animal behaviorist, but it took me a couple of years to come back completely to this space.  It IS stressful working with pets and their people everyday, and I've learned to put a bit of distance between myself and my clients so that I don't become overwhelmed again. I don't see nearly as many clients in person anymore, for example, spending a lot more of my time working with clients virtually, something I learned works really well when we were all on COVID lockdown.  One of the most amazing things that's happened since I started doing more virtual work was that I suddenly had clients in Australia, England, Canada, and even Germany!  Being able to reach pet owners around the country and around the world has given me the ability to help more people than I ever have before. While I made the decision pragmatically (sitting in San Francisco Bay Area traffic for 4-6 hours every single day was killing me), it's ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made.

If you've read my book, you know I love working with families, so many of my in-person appointments now tend to be family appointments.  I'm also doing a lot more puppy temperament tests and evaluations which I love and find incredibly rewarding.  My daughter said that she thinks that if I could see nothing but puppies in my practice, I'd never retire!  That might be true (sort of), but my guess is I will retire or at least semi-retire some day down the line. To be honest, I think it will be incredibly hard for me to retire completely. I'll likely still be writing and doing lectures and other special events, but who knows?  Again, being completely honest with you, some days I wish I was retired now, while on others I can't imagine ever stopping!

So, all of this to say, if me telling you I've felt burned out, or telling you about a time I was bitten by a client's dog, or about that time our Labrador ate six dozen warm, chocolate chip cookies right off the cooling racks on a high counter has been helpful, well then, I'm delighted.  I think me sharing my life with you builds trust and rapport, and who doesn't want that from someone you are seeking out for help with your beloved pets?

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Here she is! This is Cinderella, the Labrador who ate six dozen 

chocolate chip cookies and lived to tell the tale!

It Isn't Easy, But It's Worth It

I had a productive conversation this week with a young, cat owner.  She just got out of college and has started a new job here in the Bay Area.  She's living in an apartment that allows pets, so she decided to get a cat because she felt that they were easier than dogs and would better suit her busy lifestyle right now.  She opted to get an adolescent cat (he's about a year old), rather than a kitten, thinking that the adolescent cat would be less work than a kitten. She was quite surprised to find that after just a month of them living together, she's at her wit's end! Not only is owning a cat not as easy as she'd thought, but it's become a second, full-time job, in her opinion.  She contacted her veterinarian because she thought that maybe there was something wrong with her cat (her exact words were that she wanted to rule out ADHD!).  Her veterinarian found nothing wrong with the cat and sent her my way.

First off, it does such a disservice to cats to think of them as being easier, or needing less care, than dogs.  Any kind of pet needs care; cats actually require a lot of the same things a dog does. Cats require food, shelter, play, mental stimulation, physical exercise, and attention from their humans, just like a dog. While cats don't necessarily require walks on leash outdoors or obedience training, they do require places to hide, ledges and shelves to jump and climb on, and surfaces to scratch/claw and mark. One simple cat tree won't be enough for most cats, just as one ball or one toy won't be enough for most dogs. So, both require quite a bit, it's just that what they specifically require isn't completely the same.

While I agree that an older pet can be a bit easier that a kitten or puppy, they aren't "wash and wear." Adolescent dogs and cats are still quite active and engaging, requiring a lot of input from us, their caretakers, to thrive. Senior pets are probably the easiest from an exercise/interaction standpoint, but owning a senior pet has its own challenges including the costs associated with  increased medical care. 

I like to think of owning a pet similar to the way I viewed becoming a parent. I knew there would be challenges and sacrifices, but I also knew that I had a lot of room in my heart and quite a bit of patience to spare! Parenthood is never easy and neither is pet ownership.  That's what it means to build a family, in my opinion.  Expecting either parenthood or pet ownership to be a breeze, and then getting frustrated when your expectations for bliss aren't met on a daily basis, does a disservice to the kids and the pets in your life.

I'm going to sound like an old person now, which I guess as a card-carrying member of Gen X, I am. Social media has made parenthood and pet guardianship seem like it's all wine and roses.  A lot of folks have a hard time remembering that their social media feeds are curated, both by the algorithms of the platforms they are patronizing, but also by the people they follow on those sites.  The number of takes needed to get that photo of the dog blissfully rocking in the hammock with his owner at sunset is a lot more than one, just as the video of the kids all sitting quietly at the breakfast table doing art projects took more than one take. Parenthood and pet ownership are messy jobs, filled with ups and downs.  Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't look picture-perfect every day.  Anyone expecting perfection is headed for disappointment given that perfection is a mountain without a peak, right?  Enjoy the journey.

Okay, back to my cat client.  I explained to her what this young cat needed to thrive so that she could decide if she was the right person to be caring for him. We talked about how she could better incorporate his needs into her schedule.  It would require a bit more flexibility on her part, but the payoff was that she would have this lovely animal companion to come home to. And if she didn't think she could make those accommodations, that was okay too.  She should just return the cat to the rescue group and let them know he was a great cat, she just wasn't ready for that level of responsibility.

It's funny.  Her mom really loves this cat and when I suggested that maybe her mom might like to take him if she couldn't keep him, she seemed surprised that I'd suggest that as an option.  I told her my goal is to help this cat find a good match, a home where he can thrive.  If it isn't her home, that's totally fine, but maybe her mom would be a good fit.  And that would mean this young woman would get the best of both worlds; a reliable home environment for him AND the ability to still see him and interact with him without the day to day responsibility for his care. It was an option she hadn't considered, but is worth considering more seriously.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

This was Henley at nine weeks of age.  He was mouthy (as you can see), feisty, wiggly, and opinionated.  He gave us all a run for our money keeping him occupied, mentally stimulated, exercised, and well-rested on a daily basis.  He fought the leash, the toothbrush, the nail dremmel, and nap times.  And yet, two years later, he is, quite simply, the most delightfully chill companion animal.  He works with me, helping clients and their dogs. He does school presentations and special events.  He runs with me a couple of times a week.  He sleeps right next to me on my bed every night.  He was a lot of work, but worth it all. Puppies (and kittens) aren't for everyone. In fact, dogs and cats aren't for everyone. But then again, neither are children.  It's about choices, being flexible, and making some sacrifices.  You get to decide if it works for you!