So, let's say you are visiting family for the holidays and they let their kids jump on the furniture. Now, this may drive you nuts and you may wonder why they don't ask their kids to use the furniture as it was intended, but who are you to say? If the parents of those kids don't have a problem with the kids jumping on the couch, then neither should you. And if it really does bother you that much, then don't visit. But definitely do not share your parenting tips with said kids' actual parents. They don't want your input, trust me.
But, you see, the same rule applies to their pets. Let's say your friend lets their dog jump up on everyone in greeting and lick their faces. Your friend clearly loves this about their dog (he's so friendly, he loves everyone he meets) and encourages the behavior. And their cat? They let the cat walk on the kitchen counter whenever he wants to, often sharing food with him when he's up there. Now, again, you may be grossed out by this, but it isn't for you to judge. Clearly, having the cat on the counter, sharing tidbits of food, brings joy to your friend. If you don't like being jumped on and licked by his dog and can't bear the thought of eating food prepared on a counter under a cat's watchful supervision, then maybe you need to invite your friend to your house to visit or meet at a restaurant to break bread instead. Again, however, it isn't up to you to correct your friend or tell him his pets' behavior is "bad."
Basically, what's bad behavior to one parent or pet owner is the status quo (and maybe even encouraged and rewarded) by another. Behavior is just behavior after all, no good or bad label need be applied. So, what CAN you do if you don't like a child's or pet's behavior and it isn't your own child or pet? Try redirection as it can be successfully used on both! Let's revisit the examples I've already given you.
For those kids jumping on the couch: Walk into the room with a game or activity in mind that runs counter to jumping on the couch. Perhaps a board game, card game, or puzzle all of which require sitting down to do them. Or, better yet, grab a ball or jump rope and suggest an outdoor activity to burn off that bouncy energy. For the dog that jumps up on you in greeting, licking your face? Have treats in your hand and ready to show the dog right when he gets to you. Give him a sniff of your hand and then toss a treat a few feet away. Trust me, he'll run after it to see what you've tossed. When he does and looks back or approaches you again, toss another treat away from you. He'll learn that approaching you, but not jumping on you, results in the tossing of yummy little snacks. Now that cat walking on the kitchen counter could be a bit tougher, though, again, if the cat is that food motivated, you bringing some treats could get him off of that counter, at least temporarily. And if the cat likes catnip, bring that with you and put some on a rug, mat, or the cat's perch and show him it's there. Hopefully, he'll spend some time rubbing and rolling there instead of on the counter. And your friend will think you really do care about their pets as you've thoughtfully brought them gifts!
I truly love redirection and use it all the time. I used it on my kids when they were younger and I still use it with my own pets, my clients' pets, and the neighborhood kids. And if your pet has a behavior that YOU don't like, well, that's a different thing altogether. We can work on that, but not because it's bad rather than good, but because YOU don't like the behavior and would like it to change.
As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.
Here's Henley laying on the window seat in my office. I have no problem with him being up there. He isn't a bad dog for getting on the furniture and this isn't a questionable behavior at my house, in fact it's quite the opposite. I'd rather he was snoozing up there than off somewhere else where I can't see him and track his activities and need for redirection!
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