Kids & Dogs: More Thoughts On Them Both!

I was talking with a new client via Zoom over the weekend who was considering a dog for her kids (two boys ages 4 and 7) as a Hanukkah gift.  While I appreciated that she thought her boys were ready for this commitment, I don't think the holidays are the optimal time to gift a pet of any kind to anyone, let alone young children.  Too much chaos, too much excitement, and too many chances for the gift to be more than anyone can handle this time of year.  But beyond that, I had to find a nice way to tell her that I didn't think her boys were ready for a dog yet. I was able to see her boys and interact with them during our video consultation and I just don't think they are ready for what living with a dog entails. After our appointment was done, I asked if I could share her story as long as no names were used and she gave a definitive yes as she felt like I'd helped her "dodge a bullet" with my advice.

These two boys were like most of the little boys I meet; they were running around the house, playing with plastic light sabers first and then a nerf ball.  They never walked anywhere, not once!  Every time they moved they either sprinted, skipped, or vaulted off of a piece of furniture!  When they finally settled down, I saw them lying on the floor, game controllers in hand, and popcorn in a big bowl set between them. All I could picture was a puppy chasing these kids, grabbing light sabers and clothing, tackling kids on the floor, and then eating an entire bowl of popcorn! And, yes, I've seen it before.  More than once.

While I love watching kids and dogs play together, and I do believe that having any pet increases a child's empathy for others, there is no set age when getting your child a dog (or a cat, rabbit, or guinea pig) is the right thing to do. In fact, I've been in homes where toddlers are doing really well with the family dog or cat, and I've also been in homes where the teens weren't appropriate with the pets. So, you see, it isn't the age of your kids that determines if they are ready for a family pet; it's the personalities of the kids, their temperaments, and how their activity level will be impacted by the addition of a pet.  

I know I spend a lot of time talking about being careful to select a dog whose temperament, exercise requirements, etc. suits your lifestyle, but it's equally important to make sure your lifestyle, and the fact that you have kids or grandkids in your home, fits the dog's needs as well.  And, yes, after 30,000 years of co-evolution with dogs we've selected for dogs with temperaments that are suited to family life, that doesn't mean that EVERY dog is suited to family life.  For example, it might seem that a little dog like a teacup poodle or chihuahua might be a good choice for kids because they can dress the dog up, push it around in a stroller, and carry it everywhere, but here's the thing.  Many of those tiny breed dogs don't actually like being dressed up or picked up all the time.  They might tolerate an adult who feeds them doing it, but they might snap at or bite a child for doing the same thing. Those little dogs have a bit less patience with rude human behavior than their larger counterparts.  That isn't to say that a Bernese Mountain Dog doesn't have limits with the amount of bad human behavior they are willing to put up with, because I'm certain they do.  It's just that that Berner is going to be a bit more forgiving.  But a bite is a bite is a bite; if your kids aren't able to respect a dog or cat's boundaries and heed those obvious body language cues, then you aren't ready for a dog or cat in your home, no matter how much everyone says they want one.

Please keep in mind too that options for dogs and cats are limited once they've bitten someone, even if that bite was an accident or the result of getting overstimulated or from inappropriate handling by your kids. Dogs and cats who bite are a liability and hard to re-home, so don't set those pets up to fail from the get-go.  Work with your kids to understand all that goes into having a family pet.  Take classes even before you get a puppy or dog.  Introduce your kids to books on canine or feline body language and make a game out of reading what dogs and cats you see in your neighborhood are "saying."  Here are my two favorite books, both by the same author, on body language in cats and dogs:

"Doggie Language: A Dog Lover's Guide to Understanding Your Best Friend, " by Lili Chin

"Kitty Language: An Illustrated Guide to Understanding Your Cat," by Lili Chin

Even if your child is a pre-reader, the illustrations in these books are entertaining and clear, allowing you to explain what they are seeing and talk about what those behaviors mean. 

Finally, if your kids ARE ready for a pet, the holidays is definitely not the time to do it.  There is just too much going on this time of year; getting a pet will add to your stress and that's the last thing you want to do to a brand new feline or canine family member. And, yes, I realize the kids are home with time on their hands to (hopefully) bond with a new pet and establish a routine, but, again, the holidays are chaotic in most homes and not ideal for introducing a new pet to your family.  Doors get left open and pets escape; food is out on low tables, tempting those new pets; Christmas trees have yummy smelling (toxic) water under them; there are ornaments, tinsel, Poinsettia, mistletoe, etc. that are hazardous.  And the list goes on and on. If you want to get a pet when your kids are off from school, wait until spring break or the summer to get a pet. Truly, though, a random week in January or February still beats December, even if your kids are gone to school most of the day.  That gives you time to set up the ground rules for that new pet and we all know the adults do the bulk of the work when it comes to pets anyway!

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

This is 7 year old me and my 6 week old West Highland White Terrier puppy, Tosh. I had been wanting a dog since I could speak, but my parents waited until I was old enough to help care for the dog.  And care for him I did; I was the one who fed him, walked him, cleaned up behind him, and trained him.  My dad always liked to say he covered the dog's expenses and that was enough!