Keeping the Faith

Recently, I was interviewed regarding my thoughts on grief and loss from a pet's perspective and a pet owner's.  Losing a family member is incredibly difficult and for most of us, that loss and grief is the same even if the family member is a pet. Platitudes like "it was just a dog/cat" or "you'll get over it" or "just get a new dog/cat" aren't helpful.  What is helpful is surrounding yourself with people who understand your grief.  And if you don't have anyone to fill that role, reaching out to one of the pet loss support groups in your community can help. For the humans, here is a resource for you to keep handy. It's the phone number for the National Pet Loss Hotline, 855-352-LOVE. And for your grieving pets, speak to your veterinarian or reach out to me as we can help them with their grieving process.  

There isn't any one "right" way to approach grief; it looks different for each person and is closely tied to the relationship you had with the person or pet who has passed away.  You may even feel some guilt about your relief that they've passed away and that's normal too.  No one wants our families, friends, or pets to suffer, so often their passing is associated with a sense of relief, which then brings on enormous guilt. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to have conversations about your feelings, and about the loved one you've lost.  Share stories, both the funny ones and the painful ones.  Sharing those stories helps keep that loved one you've lost alive in your memories and reminds you of the times when they were free of pain, disease, etc. Let out your emotions, share your anger, despair, and pain with those you trust the most.  And if you don't have people in your life who give you the space to safely do that, find a mental health professional who will listen and guide you through the grief process.  No one should have to grieve alone.

For your pets who are grieving, keep them on their favored schedules.  Keep feeding times, walks, play time, etc. on the usual, predictable schedule.  Changes to that schedule create anxiety for our pets.  Those walks and playtime provide much needed exercise and fresh air for you both.  Remember that petting your animals helps lower your blood pressure and calm your breathing rate while doing the same for your pets. That symbiotic relationship between you and your surviving pet is worth celebrating with a walk, with a pat, or with a cookie. 

Yes, it's true, things do get better.  We do get to the point where we don't burst into tears every time we talk about our loved ones who've passed, but it's still not easy. It's just different living in a world where they are no longer residing. I still miss my heart dog, Shadow, who passed away in 1999.  She may have been gone for almost 25 years, but her memory lives on in my mind (and in the many photos of her on my walls), and I have shared stories of her with my children so that they, too, will know how special she was to me.  I am a true believer that I will see her again someday, waiting at the Rainbow Bridge, with my other beloved dogs and family members who passed before me.  I'm pretty sure she'll let me know that she was taking care of everyone til I got there, something she did when she was alive as well.  She was a Border Collie after all and we know what good managers they are.

The holiday season can be rough for a lot of people and the world is a confusing place right now.  My hope for you is that you will find peace and joy in the smallest of things, those purrs from your cats, those licks and cuddles from your dogs, those nuzzles from your horses, and the hugs from your friends and family. Take care of yourselves.

And, as always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Christmas 1993. My beloved grandmother and Shadow are both gone now, but that apron she made me lives on.  I think I even have those ridiculous red hoop earring somewhere too, in case you were wondering!