We know from research done in 2011, that the dogs who do best around children and for whom the presence of kids results in less anxiety, are those dogs who were exposed to positive experiences with children during their sensitive period for socialization at 3-12 weeks of age. Dogs exposed to children after 12 weeks of age, or never really exposed to kids until after children are brought into their homes, are the dogs who show the most reactivity, excitability, and even aggression. These results really hammer home the importance of exposing puppies to nice, friendly, people of all age groups during their sensitive period for socialization. This is particularly important for any dog who will ultimately be living in a home with kids, or in a home where kids visit often.
So, what can you do if you don't know if your dog got exposure to kids during the critical socialization period and you are getting ready to bring home a new baby? First off, try doing a few experiments yourself. Take your dog, on leash, to a park where children of all ages congregate. Walk your dog around at a distance and observe their behavior as you get closer to the kids. Are they happy and interested? Are they licking their lips, yawning and trying to pull you the other way? If a child approaches your dog, what does she do? Does she freeze and look away or try to move away? Does she get overly excited, yipping and barking? Or does she wag her tail loosely with a soft gaze, soliciting a pat from the child?
If your dog appears interested in children, not anxious, fearful, or aggressive, you can begin exposing your dog to even more provocative situations such as crying babies, kids throwing tantrums, etc. For many dogs this type of young human agitation is stressful. You want to see if your dog moves away from such things, seeks you out for reinforcement, or becomes agitated themselves.
While you can definitely prepare your dog for the arrival of a baby by doing all of these things while out and about, what can you do in your own home? Start by introducing your dog to all the items you've purchased for your baby. Let them sniff, touch, etc. the stroller, swing, crib, high chair, diapers, and toys. Lay a blanket on the floor and begin teaching your dog the boundaries. They can approach the edges of the blanket, but not get on it or cross it. Start walking your dog alongside the empty stroller. If you plan to use baby gates to separate areas of your house into dog free/baby only zones, do that before the baby arrives. While many news parents and grandparents worry most about their anxious dogs when the baby is under 2 years of age, the truth of the matter is that kids are at their greatest risk after 2 years of age as they become more mobile. And many dogs show peak anxiety when their kids reach adolescence and there is conflict in the home. Parents often make the mistake of relaxing their vigilance as their kids get older; truly, all interactions between kids and dogs, regardless of their age, need to be supervised. Kids often miss subtle (and not so subtle) cues given by dogs indicating that they are uncomfortable with a situation. Ignoring those cues can result in a snap or bite. Parents and caregivers need to be observant and remove the children or the dog when arousal gets too high. Every home should have safe spaces for the kids and the dogs. For kids, those safe spaces are often their rooms and/or pieces of furniture the dog isn't allowed into or on. For dogs, safe spaces might be under a table, in their crate, or on their dog bed. Teach your children to leave a dog who is sitting or laying still alone and teach your dog to leave your kids alone when they are in their rooms, for example. Dogs will often seek out their adult humans as safe spaces as well. Let them. Reinforce that behavior, don't scold or shun it. Use time outs and redirection for your dogs AND your kids.
Parents and grandparents need to learn how to be better observers of dog body language. Watch the family dog for signs of stress such as lip licking, excessive yawning, gaze averting, hard stares, stiff bodies, moving away/turning away. If you see these behaviors, call the child or the dog away and redirect them. Being proactive is key; if you can't watch your kids and the dog, then they need to be separated until you can. Teach your children to be gentle and respectful with the family dog, allow them to take age-appropriate responsibilities with respect to the dog, meanwhile teaching your dog not to jump on children, grab their food or clothing, or steal their toys. Children who take an active role in the care of the family dog have a better relationship with that dog and are better at reading dog body language than those children who aren't as involved in a dog's care. Train your kids to care for the dog, and praise them for a job well done. That positive reinforcement doesn't just work on dogs, it works on kids too.
Finally, one of the most disturbing trends I see in the world of kids and dogs is the proliferation of videos on social media showing kids sitting on, riding, pulling tails and ears, grabbing faces, shoving their faces in dog faces, laying on dog beds next to dogs or in their crates with them, and screaming and running while a dog chases them. When I see these videos, I have to scroll away as the body language on the dogs terrifies me. The fact that caregivers are not just allowing these behaviors, but reinforcing them AND videotaping them, causes me undue stress and agitation. Why anyone would allow their dog to be treated that way, let alone put their child at risk with an animal is beyond me. I will never share those videos and I would love if I never saw one again!
There are so many benefits to be had by dogs living in homes with kids, as long as that situation is safe for the dogs and kids involved. If your dog is nervous and reactive with your new baby, separate them and try to see if a slower, more controlled introduction will help. If your dog simply cannot be around your baby, you can try to keep them separate until your child is older and try again, or you can choose to rehome your dog. If your dog is aggressive to your baby or child, however, you really do need to get them out of your home immediately. I've been involved in enough dog bite cases to know that you can't ignore what a dog is clearly telling you; if they don't like kids, you can't make them like yours.
As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.
When Desi came to live with my family, he was 4 years old. I knew he'd been raised around children and loved them, which I thought would make him a good fit for pet assisted therapy. He truly was and is a natural. He gravitates toward children, is gentle about where he puts himself with regard to their physical space, and he loves all manner of attention. In that first picture, I actually watched him walk up to that baby, plop down behind him, and then wrap his head back around for attention! The second photo is from a visit with day camp kids learning about dogs and dog behavior. This little girl had read Desi a book and then wanted to stay after her reading to give him more attention. I love that his head is on her leg, while he keeps one paw firmly planted on mine. Desi is the consummate family dog.
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