Support for YOU, the Owner of that Reactive Dog!

Being a dog owner isn't always cookies and rainbows.  It often involves a lot of mud (usually in the form of paw prints on your floor), some vomit (on occasion, and a relief when it's not on your bed), and a lot of poop (hopefully, outdoors).  Seriously though...dog ownership can be incredibly challenging, particularly if you share your home with a dog who has a behavior problem. Reactive dogs seem to be extra challenging for their owners.  For the purposes of this discussion, we are going to lump incessant barking, leash pulling and lunging, and aggressive outbursts altogether as reactivity. Why am I lumping them together?  Well, because I've talked about what you should do for your reactive dogs several times in previous blog posts.  This time, I want to talk about what to do to support you, the person on the other end of that leash.

One of the most common things I hear my clients say about their reactive dogs is that they are mortified by their dog's behavior as they feel like their dog is causing a scene. For people who are a bit more introverted or shy themselves, having a reactive dog can feel overwhelming; they've spent their entire lives trying to fly under the radar, so to speak, and now their dog is drawing unwanted attention their way! While I understand those feelings, I try to coach these dog owners so that they understand that their value as humans, and as dog owners, isn't tied into anyone else's comfort around their dog.  It doesn't matter if someone is giving you side-eye or telling you to get control of your dog.  You know your dog is overstimulated and you are working on changing their behavior; you don't owe them an explanation or an apology. If you want to say something tell them precisely that: I'm working on it!  Unsolicited advice from other dog owners isn't helpful either and can create more stress and anxiety for you and your dog. Just wave and move on! You are not obligated to stop and listen to someone tell you what their brother does with his dog. Unsolicited advice from other dog owners is a lot like googling, "What should I do when my dog barks and lunges at other dogs?" You are going to get a million answers, and only a handful are useful, based in science, and fear-free options for your dog.

The second most common thing I hear from my clients with reactive dogs is that they feel like an utter failure as a dog owner.  Again, they believe their dog's behavior is a reflection on how good they are as people and pet owners.  You have to let go of this "I'm a failure" mentality.  Your dog's behavior is about them, not you.  Their behavioral issues are an opportunity to learn and grow as a dog owner.  You may feel like you didn't RSVP for this invitation for growth, but here you are, so make the most of it.  Seek out assistance from practitioners you know and trust who support your journey, and your dog's small steps toward success.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Yes, all dogs need exercise, but that doesn't mean you have to walk them twice a day, at peak times and in peak places where you'll encounter what triggers them over and over again until your arm feels like it's being pulled from the socket and your neck (and theirs) hurt.  There are many ways to get physical exercise for you dog that doesn't involve walking them when and where you know they will be triggered.  And remember, too, mental exercise is just as important for anxious dogs, and mental exercise can be easily and successfully addressed from the safety of your own home.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Westley never had a reactive day in his life.  He loved everyone and everything except for buses and garbage trucks which scared him. I watched him diffuse more than one potentially volatile situation on a trail.  He was good at looking away, moving away, and offering non-threatening body language which often caused reactive dogs to end up warily ignoring him in turn. He helped me with several clients and their reactive dogs, that's how good he was at it.  I miss him for so many reasons.

What To Do When You Can't Keep A Dog

I truly believe that one of the most heartbreaking decisions a dog owner can ever make is to give up a dog. Whether they are giving the dog up for financial reasons, a change in their living circumstances, or because the dog has a serious behavior problem, the end result is the same: They feel anxiety, guilt, shame, frustration, remorse, or all of the above regarding their decision. Most of the dog owners I speak with who are in this position feel trapped by the reality of their situation and judged harshly by their friends and family. I feel a great deal of sympathy for these dog owners because I know arriving at this decision didn't come easily AND if they thought there was anything else that could be done, they would have done it.  People who reach out to me when they are giving up a dog aren't looking for recriminations from me; most aren't even looking for sympathy.  What they are looking for is validation that this is the right path to take and they are most often looking for suggestions as to how to place their dog effectively. 

It's not uncommon for a dog owner to give up a dog because they can no longer afford to care for him or because their circumstances have changed.  In our current economic climate, everything has become more expensive and for some, caring for a dog may be a luxury they can't afford.  Some families have to downsize, moving into a housing situation where dogs aren't allowed.  I have a lot of older clients who have to give up their dogs when they move into assisted living or skilled nursing environments that don't allow pets, or don't allow dogs over a certain size. My first question is always, "Is there someone in your family or circle of friends who can take your dog?" My follow up to this if the dog came from a breeder is, "Have you contacted your breeder about taking your dog back?"  The reputable breeders I know will take their dogs back at any time for any reason.  They don't want their dogs to end up in shelters or rescues, preferring to care for the dogs themselves, or place them elsewhere.  For people who acquired their purebred dogs from a pet store, mass puppy website, puppy mill, or puppy broker, returning a dog to the breeder isn't a viable option. At that point, they would need to look at breed rescue groups.  And for people with shelter dogs or dogs they adopted from rescue organizations, they do need to reach out to those places first.  Some rescues want their dogs back if it isn't working out, much like reputable breeders. For many dog owners, however, their calls and emails aren't answered, or if they are, they are turned away and told that the shelter, rescue group, etc. has too many dogs and they can't take on another at this time.  It's also unfortunate that dog owners faced with this predicament will be made to feel like complete jerks for even considering giving up their dog.  Telling a dog owner in this situation that they shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place isn't helpful.  At all.

As you might imagine, the worst case scenario is when a dog owner needs to place their dog who has issues in aggression.  These dogs are difficult to place regardless of the type of aggression displayed, but the most difficult are those who are aggressive toward people, in particular, those who have bitten someone (or those who have bitten multiple times). These dogs pose issues in liability.  Rescue groups are reluctant to take them because they don't want to assume the liability.  Shelters often tell dog owners with aggressive dogs that surrendering the dog means euthanasia. Trying to place an aggressive dog with friends or family isn't easy either given the inherent liability.  If you can get someone to take your dog, you'll want to draft a letter where you are very transparent about your dog's aggression, outlining each instance of aggression, including every bite and what steps you took.  You'll sign this letter and so will the person taking your dog.  You should get the letter witnessed or notarized as well. Why go through all of this extra work?  Well, unfortunately, the odds are that your dog will bite again and if the bite lands the new owner in court, you'll be in court as well. If you have the letter saying your informed the new owner as to the risk and you signed off on your liability, you will likely be removed from any lawsuit that arises involving the dog.  Sobering, I know. 

At this point, you might be saying to yourself, "Why don't they just call their vet and euthanize the dog themselves if it's that risky?"  Well, the simple answer is that they love their dog, in spite of his aggression.  Frankly, most of the aggressive dogs I meet aren't aggressive all of the time; they are aggressive when triggered and often those triggers aren't completely predictable. It's also unfortunately the case that some veterinarians draw the line at "euthanizing a healthy dog."  The fact that an aggressive dog who bites people isn't mentally healthy or sound seems to escape them.  Luckily, most veterinarians have incredible compassion for dog owners with aggressive dogs and understand that dogs who bite people are a risk to the community at large and have no issue with humane euthanasia. Nonetheless, making the decision to euthanize your own dog is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make, even if you know it's the right one for you AND for your dog.  Aggressive dogs aren't happy dogs. They are profoundly anxious.  Most don't want to bite, but they are unable to stop themselves. Many resist muzzles and other management tools that could keep them in their homes a bit longer, or render them more adoptable, making quality of life an issue for everyone. Sometimes dog owners just need to hear that they aren't bad people for making the decision to euthanize their aggressive dog.  If they call me, I won't tell them that's a bad choice; who am I to judge them? I don't have to live with that dog and I KNOW after 35 years in business, aggressive dogs are difficult to live with and often end up cutting you off from your family and friends because they don't want to deal with your dog. Dogs are important, but you can't cut off all of your human support system.

So, no easy answer here.  Basically, you need to look at your dog's specific aggressive issues and determine what the best course of action might be.  For those whose dogs aren't aggressive, but they still can't keep them, the decision to be made will often depend on the timeline of how quickly you need to place them.  If you can, for example, keep your dog until the rescue group has an opening or finds a home for your dog, that's terrific.  For most dog owners looking to place their dogs, however, time isn't on their side.  Frustrating and sad, but a reality nonetheless. 

It's true that, on occasion, I've been able to help place a dog that a client needed to rehome.  It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's quite satisfying to help a dog and their owner find the right situation that works for them both.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Border collies are terrific dogs, but certainly not the best fit for every dog lover.  Many in rescue have significant behavior problems which may be difficult for even an experienced owner to address.  They may look cute, but these are working dogs and I've treated enough frustrated and aggressive border collies to know you have to be well-informed when adopting one.

Helpful Strangers

So many of us were told as children not to talk to strangers.  We were also told to seek out the help of trustworthy adults, even though it was sometimes difficult to determine who was trustworthy and who should be avoided.  Nonetheless, we made it through childhood and some of us did indeed solicit the help of strangers.  The fact of the matter is that when it comes to dog ownership, strangers can be very helpful in your training journey. Let me explain.

Let's say you've got a new puppy that you need to socialize.  You'll certainly want to enlist the help of your friends and family in socializing your newest family member, but the bottom line is that your puppy needs to meet lots of different people.  They need to meet crying babies, screaming toddlers, teens on scooters and skateboards, seniors using walkers or wheelchairs, and people whose skin tone isn't the same as yours. I've had more than one client sheepishly tell me that they think their dog is racist.  Dogs aren't racist.  What happens is that if a dog isn't socialized to lots of different people, including people with skin that's lighter or darker than your own, then they will be wary when they first encounter them.  The same is true if you don't socialize your dog with kids; they'll be cautious or even nervous around children when they meet them. So, taking that puppy to puppy classes and puppy socials, bringing them with you to run errands, and even just sitting with them on your lap or in a stroller at a public park means they'll be exposed to a lot of new people (strangers) and understand that new people can be wonderful too.  And it's certainly not hard to get strangers to pet and engage a puppy, now is it?

So, what if you have an adult dog who is wary, fearful, or just lacking in good social skills?  You can still do all of the above, you're just going to do it more slowly, at a pace that feels comfortable for you particular dog. For example, if they are terrified of scooters and skateboards, then you most certainly aren't going to take them to sit outside of a skate park!  Instead, you might sit with them in your car or on a bench at a distance and watch kids on scooters, bikes, and skateboards as they leave school.  Or maybe you have to start even further back than that and just observe those things happening in your neighborhood or the sidewalk in front of your house from the safety of being indoors. Regardless, as your dog gains confidence, you will once again want to get out there in public spaces and solicit the help of strangers.  Ask that teen on the scooter if they'd like to pet your dog.  If they do, great!  Now your dog sees that scooters aren't always moving and that the people riding on them are just friends they haven't met yet.

I'm most certainly NOT advocating for taking a dog who is aggressive out in public and subjecting strangers to encounters with your dog that may not be safe.  If you have an aggressive dog, you'll still need to do some training in public spaces, but you'll want to discourage strangers from coming too close or directly engaging your dog.  You'll need to be proactive in what you say (firmly but kindly explain that your dog doesn't like new people, for example) and if you live in an area where close encounters can't be avoided, go ahead and muzzle train your dog. This will not only protect you from liability should someone get too close to your dog for their comfort, it also means that people can see that your dog is muzzled and will likely give you the space you need to keep your dog safe.  Hey, you know what?  Those strangers are still helping you train your dog. They're helping you by keeping their distance!

If you are encouraging strangers to interact with your dog, please make sure your dog is ready to meet that challenge. If they are still jumping up in excited greeting, stand on their leash. If they still snap at treats, show people how to toss them a treat instead.  Actively show people where your dog likes to be petted.  Most importantly, talk to that stranger so your dog not only sees that new people are interesting, he comes to understand that when you stop to talk to someone, they must remain calmly at your side or at your feet.  This clearly takes practice and I've found that most strangers in public parks, for example, are more than happy to help.  Obviously, you can't just walk up to people's children without getting labeled as a weirdo, so ask parents if their kids would like to meet your dog, or simply wait for the kids to approach and remind them to check with their parents first.  This helps kids see who those helpful adults are too.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

When Henley was a puppy, I took him everywhere with me that I could. I would carry him in my arms or in a bag, letting his head poke out for people to see him and ask to pet him.  Anyone who wanted to hold him could, so he got passed around, hugged, squeezed, and loved on.  This established for him that strangers were good, whether those strangers were young or old, quiet or loud, and skin color made no difference.  Henley loves everyone clearly believing that anyone he sees is a friend to be greeted with a happy tail wag.

Technology Can Be Your Friend Too!

It seems like every time I start reading the newspaper, or looking at my online news feed, there is a story about AI.  As someone who grew up watching the Terminator movies, I have to admit that technology like artificial intelligence kind of stresses me out.  I have, however, embraced other forms of technology, though at times I have to admit it's been a bit begrudgingly.  Take music, for example.  I grew up in the age of vinyl and 8-track tapes, so streaming music took some getting used to!  I do love curating my own playlists as it reminds me of the old mix tapes we used to create in high school.  I also believe, however, that streaming music has changed the way most people think about music, and it surely has changed the music business for the artists who create it. Video may have killed the radio star, but streaming music has made it so very few artists have their music fully "digested" as they intended. No longer do people buy albums, beginning with the first track and listening all the way through to the last track; now they can download that one song, or a few songs, they like, even if the artist believed those songs were part of a bigger picture for them and the message they were conveying.  I'm sure at this point you are trying to figure out what this has to do with your pets and where in the world am I going with this blog post?! Glad you stuck it out!

As many of you know, my daughter got a new collie puppy this Spring and she's raising Zelly to be her next emotional support dog.  As such, Zelly is learning to go to work with her and beginning to master the tasks required of an office dog in a busy law practice.  This hasn't been easy for Zelly as she is very attached to my daughter, as any good ESA should be.  She does, however, need to be able to leave Zelly in her office when she meets with a client in the conference room, goes to court, or uses the bathroom!  Up until this week, Zelly has had a rough time being left alone in the office in her crate.  She whines and fusses which could potentially be disruptive to others in the office.  This has been frustrating for my daughter as Zelly IS crate trained, happily napping in her crate at home and at my house, whenever we leave.  She doesn't fuss, she just settles in and naps until someone returns and lets her out. Zelly, like many adolescent dogs, doesn't have separation anxiety, but she does experience some separation distress in very specific circumstances:  The office. I've had numerous conversations with my daughter to discuss strategies to help Zelly move past her distress so she can really thrive and enjoy her time in the office, and that's when we stumbled upon a handful of amazingly helpful playlists on Spotify, the music streaming platform my daughter and I both use. 

Previously we had used a white noise machine for Westley when my daughter went to class, but Zelly didn't really like the white noise machine, and actually ended up showing her displeasure with it by chewing through the cord to turn it off on her own! Zelly does, however, love music, just as my dogs do.  I have music on a lot in my office and at home, so it's associated with positive things for all of the dogs. My daughter and I joked about making a playlist for Zelly to listen to when she's out of the office and that's when the light bulb went off and my daughter found a handful of playlists on Spotify, specifically for dogs with separation anxiety, separation distress, or just to soothe them when they are resting.  If you have Spotify yourself, here are the playlists we've been using for Zelly:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6e5lSMmhr1W8Qg5X3qssLQ?si=75518f6459884e71

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3300BQPneawOkHUGOOUhMK?si=2e1fc3ce1bdd452e

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1qylvGhYNsqnjWmVJahOpN?si=7284928c84104788

I realize that not everyone has Spotify. I'm sure you can find similar curated playlists on other streaming platforms, and if you don't stream your music, you can certainly create a playlist of your own to soothe your dog.  Now, I'm not suggesting that music alone will cure separation distress.  On the contrary, it's just one piece of the puzzle, helping you to design and create a safe environment for your dog to relax in your absence. You'll also want to make sure the space they are in is free of hazards, has brain challenges, puzzles, or other activities to fight boredom, and a camera to observe how they are doing.  I believe a camera is critical whether you are using a nanny cam, your computer, one of those fancy treat dispensing machines, or a security camera.  I like being able to observe home alone dogs and interact with them, if need be.  For Zelly, we can talk to her through the camera in my daughter's office.  If she's fussing we can ask her to quiet and remind her to find her bone, chew, or puzzle.  She redirects well at this point, so that's good.  And since adding in the music, we've had to talk to her through the camera very infrequently.  She is clearly listening to the music and it distracts her from any sounds in the office around her. She appears less anxious that she is missing out on something, so progress is being made.

All of this creates a sort of ritual around being left alone.  It reminds me of when my kids were little and we had a set of things we always did before they went to sleep at night.  Creating these sleep rituals meant that their brains had expectations for how to wind down, making it easier to get them to actually wind down, even when we weren't home. It's the same for your dogs.  If you begin creating predictable routines when they are puppies, particularly routines and rituals around sleep, they become better about taking naps and about being alone.  Puppies have to be taught that being alone is okay; you can't just put them in a crate and assume that they'll be fine. Puppies are used to being with their siblings and mother, so when they move in with you, it's a bit of a shock!  And if you just crate them alone and walk away, no sleep rituals, no preparation, no establishing a routine so that they know that they are safe, you will risk have a distressed puppy on your hands.

Zelly is going to be a great office dog, it's just going to take some time. For now, my daughter will continue to work with her, building her confidence and ability to be left alone in that environment for a few minutes at a time, building up to a few hours eventually.  When my daughter is in her office, or has clients in her office, Zelly is supportive and kind, wagging her entire body for lovies from one and all.  And if my daughter has a particularly stressful day at the office, Zelly is right there, reminding my daughter to step outside for a break, have a snack, and play a little fetch.  She lays at my daughter's feet under her desk, right where Westley used to rest.  I think she's going to make Westley proud.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Here's Zelly at the office and ready to work!