Why Can't We Be Friends?

I just met yesterday with a lovely young couple who recently moved to San Francisco from the Midwest.  They had chosen San Francisco because they had read online about it being one of the most dog-friendly cities in California and they were eager to be able to take their adolescent Boston Terrier more places with them.  They were also hoping that they'd be able to find him a few playmates, whose owners they might like too, since they don't really know many people here yet other than their coworkers, and those are all virtual! So far, however, it's been a total bust; either their dog didn't like the other dogs they've met, or my clients didn't like the dogs' humans!  They'd met with their new veterinarian to update their dog's vaccines and that's how they'd heard about me and reached out for help.

This was such an interesting appointment!  I wasn't there because their dog had any specific behavioral issues; he didn't even really have any training issues.  I was there to help this couple and their dog find some social opportunities here in the Bay Area that would get them off to a great start.

We took their dog for a walk so I could observe him (and them) out in public.  I made suggestions about where to walk and explore, including places other clients regularly use and love like Fort Funston, Strawberry Hill, the Presidio, and Dolores Park. I did tell them that they would need to visit these places several times, and on different days, to get a feel for the areas and the dog owners that use them.  While Fort Funston is an off leash dog haven, dogs are primarily on leash at Strawberry Hill and Dolores Park.  I told them that they should really think about their ultimate goal; was it truly to find their dog a dog friend, or was it for them to find like-minded, dog-owning humans to hang out with? These are not necessarily the same thing.  They could send their dog to doggie daycare to make friends and socialize with other dogs, BUT if they really wanted to make friends themselves, then they were going to have to get out a lot more than they've been doing.  On a recommendation from my daughter, I even suggested that they try online groups like MeetUp and Bumble BFF to find couple friends with similar interests.  They'd never even thought of that!

I agree that it can be harder to make new friends when you first move to a new area, but while it may seem overwhelming, it's really not.  You just have to put yourself out there and be okay with not every connection working out.  Finally, I suggested they consider volunteering with Furry Friends, the pet assisted therapy group I work with, given that they are both very interested in volunteerism AND their dog loves meeting new people.  Through an organization like Furry Friends, I know this couple will definitely connect with other like-minded dog owners, including many who live outside of San Francisco, thus expanding where they cast their net for new friends and new connections.

We can't make our dogs like certain other dogs, or even certain people.  And our dogs may like people or other dogs that we ourselves don't.  That's just how it works!  You can't force a dog to like who you like, though you can hedge your bets by including good treats and a lot of positive reinforcement on those first meetings in the hopes of making a great first impression.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

My daughter met a lot of like minded dog owners hiking in Los Angeles County when she lived there.  Ozzie and I often joined her and Westley on their hikes which were quite enjoyable, except for the mud.  Rough collies definitely get dirtier than smooths as this photo aptly proves!