The client reached out because she's a widow and she's recently started dating again. She's taking it slow, but has finally met someone she's interested enough in to have them over for dinner at her house. The problem is that dinner was a disaster! Her dog was openly hostile to this man from the moment he stepped into her house, something he's never done with anyone before. I've known this owner and this dog for about 5 years, and I knew her husband as well as they both attended puppy class with the dog. He's a well-socialized, friendly, though sometimes exuberant greeter. We've worked on that though and he now doesn't try to jump up and lick every visitor, which is why when she said her dog froze, growled, and stared at this new man in her life, I was quite frankly shocked. I went through the obvious things first: Does this man like dogs? Does he have dogs? Did he act afraid? Did he try to hug you or touch you when he walked in? Turns out the man says he loves dogs, has an elderly dog at home, and wasn't a bit afraid. He knew not to touch my client when he came in and he even brought treats for the dog from a local bakery. Her dog was not having any of it. He sat down and blocked the guy from coming in AND he ignored the treats. This dog LOVES treats, so the fact that he ignored them had me utterly gobsmacked. At this point my client was flustered, so she decided to put her dog in his crate and suggested they go out to eat instead, which they did. When she got home, she emailed me.
Generally speaking, I listen to dogs. If one of my dogs had this reaction to someone, I, quite honestly, would try to figure out what it is I missed. They are very good judges of character and like everyone, though Ozzie can be aloof at times. If he was openly hostile to someone, that would be a red flag for me, not about him, but about the person! In my client's case, however, I just couldn't figure out what he was seeing in this man that my client wasn't. We decided it would be valuable to have me there for the next introduction. I suggested we meet up with this man at a local park and the three of us walk with her dog together and see how he was off of home turf. Again, this is a happy, non-aggressive, sociable dog. We met at the park about 30 minutes before her date was to arrive. Her dog greeted me, as he always does, with two feet up on me and kisses galore. We walked around a bit and he let kids pet him, he approached a man on crutches to sniff and say hi, and he wagged his tail at a man who jogged by and told him "Hey there cutie!" So, nothing untoward with strangers at the park. When her date arrived, he started walking toward us. His body language was open and he was careful to give the dog space. I swear, I watched that dog completely change before my eyes. Gone was the loose body language and lolling tongue. In its place was stiff body language, a lowered head, and a direct stare. Just in case my client's nerves were triggering her dog, I walked away with the dog and then walked back and he still wasn't having any interaction with this man. I asked my client to walk the dog for a few minutes while I talked to her date. We talked about dogs, dating, his elderly dog, etc. I started to get the feeling that while he loves his dog, his relationship with the dog is very different from my client's relationship with her dog. And when I commented on the treats he brought to the house for the dog he said, "I knew she'd like that, so that's why I picked them up." Hmm. OK. That was interesting. I asked what he thought about why the dog was acting so weird with him. His response? "The dog doesn't like competition from another alpha male." Sigh. Another red flag. The concept of alpha male is so outdated in the realm of animal behavior to be laughable. However, I certainly know there are people who like to think of themselves using that term, and this man was one of them.
I shook his hand and thanked him for coming and told my client we should get back to work, so she said goodbye to her date and that she'd call him later. He seemed bewildered, but he walked off. She said to me after he walked away, "I thought we were going to work together with him on this!" At this point, I told her what I really thought was going on. Her dog likes men just fine, he just doesn't like this man.
As I said earlier, this is not the first time I've met a dog with clear preferences. I've been to many homes where the dog prefers the wife or prefers the husband, listening to one more than the other, openly shunning one in favor of the other. Often this behavior is based on experience; dogs love the people who feed, walk and play with them, but quite frankly, they also love the people who let them get away with stuff. Dogs, like toddlers, can be manipulative. In homes with two dog guardians, one who is preferred and one who's being snubbed, I advise putting the one who is being snubbed into control over all things the dog loves and relegating the favored person to more menial and less desirable (from the dog's point of view) tasks. Usually, if the favored person takes a step back, the dog will (sometimes begrudgingly) take a bigger interest in the other human. Sometimes all it takes is the less favored human creating a situation for the dog that is special and desired and thus creates a new bond; a trip to the beach, a trip to get a pup cup, allowing them to pick a toy at the pet store, etc. And sometimes it's as simple as personality. A dog just clicks with one person more than another. But in some homes, as it was with the client and her new date, it's actually not that simple.
Dogs are emotional, sentient creatures capable of empathy. If they sense discord, disharmony, or unrest, they respond. I've known dogs who, quite literally, choose sides in a divorce. I know, because I've been there to mediate a few divorces and custody battles over the pets. It's also true that dogs can smell fear and anxiety AND they know a belligerent drinker or a bully when they smell one. I think my client's new dating interest is a closet bully. She hasn't seen his manipulative, controlling side yet as they've only been dating a few weeks, but her dog did, and I glimpsed it as well. It was time for her to listen to her dog. There was nothing I could do, nor that I wanted to do, to make this work. This man wasn't a good match for my client and her dog, plain and simple. She had chosen to date him because he was very different from her husband, but in choosing someone vastly different, she'd also chosen someone who was not going to be good for her long term.
I tried to lighten the mood by telling her that she now knew she could have her dog be the judge of her dates rather than her friends going forward. It will save her a lot of time! I know she will find someone truly worthy of her time and attention AND someone who her dog will like as well. He loved chasing the ball and running alongside her husband's bike. He is sweet and friendly to random male strangers he meets on the street and during pet therapy visits. There will be someone he loves for his owner as well.
As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.
Some dogs are choosier than others, but with very good reason.
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