The Summer Blues

 I received a call earlier this week from a client I've known for years.  She was sad (and a bit miffed) that their family vacation didn't go quite as well as they'd planned.  They have a lovely home in Tahoe on the lake and had invited some friends to join them there for the week. My client has three great kids and two really sweet dogs.  I've had her children and the dogs in my classes over the years and have really enjoyed working with them.  The family they invited for the week also has kids (much younger than my client's children), but no dogs.  My client thought this would work great as then they wouldn't have to worry about introducing new dogs into the shared space, or be concerned that a new dog might mark, dig, or be destructive in their vacation home.  What she hadn't banked on, however, was the other family's kids being afraid of dogs. Apparently, the other family didn't tell my client about their kids' being afraid of dogs and when they arrived and the dogs rushed up to meet the visitors, "all hell broke loose," as my client described it.  The kids screamed and jumped back into the car, refusing to get out until the dogs were gone.  My client moved her dogs to the yard and hoped that this was just temporary, thinking the kids would get used to her dogs over the course of the day.  Well, that never happened.  The kids remained scared of the dogs during the whole visit, becoming visibly upset even when the dogs were leashed to move about.  My client was very frustrated by this as she wasn't used to leashing her dogs all the time (and neither were her dogs!) and she felt it was unfair of the other family to ask that she keep her dogs outside or in their crates for the remainder of their week's stay. Apparently, my client's husband suggested that maybe her friends would be more comfortable in a hotel, but my client felt terrible even suggesting such a solution as she felt like it would appear that, "I value my dogs' comfort more than my human guests."  Needless to say, the week together was not much of a vacation and there ended up being hurt feelings all the way around.  She was calling me as she wanted to get my thoughts on what she could have done to resolve this issue more amenably.

I did indeed feel bad for my client.  She does have very nice dogs, but kids who are afraid of dogs don't care how nice your dogs are...they are still afraid.  It's impossible to get children over their fear of dogs in just a week, and flooding them with dog experiences isn't going to lessen their anxiety, but is likely to increase it. I told my client that I would have asked about how this family felt about dogs before inviting them to stay for a week.  I would have phrased the ask as "I know your family doesn't have dogs like we do. Is that because someone is allergic?" This would allow the other family to state whether their lack of dogs in the household was due to circumstances, health reasons, or, as in this case, fear of dogs. That way, if someone were allergic (or afraid), alternate arrangements could have been made to ensure everyone's comfort and peace of mind. Asking my clients, whose house you are staying in as guests, to remove their dogs for your visit is an unreasonable request, as far as I'm concerned.  My client's dogs are treated as family; one of the reasons they bought this house in Tahoe was so they could take their dogs on vacation with them! This family could have stayed in a hotel or Airbnb and come over to visit for a period of time each day during which my client would have gladly crated her dogs or had them outdoors, depending on what activities the humans were engaged in.  She wasn't adverse to removing her dogs for a period of time every day, just not for them to be on "house arrest" for the whole week. At one point, the dad in the other family wanted to know why my clients "hadn't left their dogs at home so they could have a real vacation."  For me, this really says it all. This other family doesn't view dogs as family members the way my client does.  It is even likely the case that their kids' fear of dogs is being reinforced by things the parents are saying.  This is sad as there are a lot of families in their community that have dogs and these kids are going to be limited in the houses they can visit and friends they can stay with because of their fear of dogs.  I truly hope that they will seek help for their kids fear of dogs in order to move past this; they don't ever need to have a dog in their family, but their children should be comfortable enough around dogs not to make them a risk. 

My client said she felt better after talking to me and does intend to offer an olive branch to this other family in the form of an invitation out to dinner sans dogs.  I told her that I thought that was a lovely gesture and hoped that it would be well-received.  

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Ozzie and Desi love a good party! 

For my daughter's grad celebration, my dogs were indoors for the majority of the festivities while guests were eating, just to make sure people didn't feel weird about being watched while they were eating! Once it was time to come out to visit, however, they put themselves right in the middle of everything and took advantage of their captive audience.