I have been working with a client on and off for several months. She had initially indicated that she'd found me through a "trusted friend." We've done phone consultations and Zoom consultations, but had yet to meet in person, first because of COVID concerns and then because of budget concerns. At least, that's what I was told. You see, that's what the client had told me and I took those statements at face value. Then, I received a call from her veterinarian and everything changed. You see, she'd never told her vet she was working with me or vice versa. In fact, when her vet recently recommended me to her during an appointment for help with her cat, she told him she was already working with me. She also told her vet that I hadn't ever offered to come to her home to see the cat there, nor had my recommendations been "all that helpful." This blindsided me as every one of our conversations had concluded with her thanking me profusely for my help, after telling me what had been working, and then tweaking what wasn't to work for her and the cat. My notes show all of this, as well as where I asked her if she wanted me to come to her home and see the cat there now that I've been fully vaccinated. She indicated that progress was being made, no need for an in-person meeting. Well, obviously, something wasn't adding up, leaving both the vet and myself feeling completely duped by this owner and unsure how to help her OR her cat! While this isn't the first time something like this has happened, I'm always frustrated when it does. You see, I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't believe what a pet owner is telling me. I want to be able to take what they are saying about their pet at face value, determine where the problem lies, and then help address that problem in a straightforward, humane, and conscientious manner with respect for both the pet and pet owner. Doing that is difficult, however, if owners are being intentionally (or even unintentionally) deceptive with their communications of what is going on with their pets. People who are more concerned with saving face, or downplaying questionable behaviors they are seeing, or the circumstances and frequency with which they see those behaviors, are doing themselves and their pets an incredible disservice.
Look, I know it's hard to admit that your pet has a behavior problem. People can get emotional and defensive as they feel like their "pet parenting skills" are being judged by others. And some pet owners are just inexperienced or unfamiliar with animal behavior and thus are arriving at erroneous conclusions with regard to their pet's behavior (e.g the whole "I know I need to be an alpha with my dog" nonsense we've talked about before).
After 30 years in business, I've gotten really good at asking the right questions and not making snap judgments. If a client says their dog is reactive, I ask them what that looks like. If they say their puppy is aggressive, I ask what the puppy is doing. Words like reactive and aggressive are loaded with meaning that might not even apply to the pet we are discussing, but the owners have heard/read those terms or someone told them that was the problem. Labels like reactive or aggressive can also keep an owner from pursuing help for their pet. I try to listen to not only the words, but the emotion behind them. Much of what I do is about being a good listener and a good observer of both human and canine behavior. Over the years, I've had veterinarians tell me that their clients tell me a whole heck of a lot more than they ever learn during their appointments! I find that disturbing as well given that vets do have to rely on owners' reports of their pet's behavior in order to decide what diagnostic tests to run, for example. Downplaying lethargy, vomiting, loose stools, etc. could lead a veterinarian to assume a pet isn't in too much distress, when really they are, but their owner is unable to convey that because they are scared, in denial, or afraid of being charged for unnecessary services.
We all filter the things people tell us, but when it comes to people's pets, those filters are layered with love, guilt, fear, and even anger. Being kind in the way I ask questions, getting clarification, and asking for examples has always been my strong suit. I know that my clients don't process or prioritize information the same way that I do, and that's okay. It's my job to get at the heart of the matter and help them to help their pets. It's one of the reasons during this pandemic that I've solicited so much video from my clients. I've reviewed hours of video footage of clients' dogs displaying everything from separation anxiety to panic to aggression to fear. Those videos are invaluable as I can look at them and then the client and I can talk about the behavior in the video, rather than their interpretation of what they saw when they took the video. Their interpretation is often laced with emotion. My evaluation of the video is not. I am compassionate and caring, but I try very hard to be specific in the words and phrases I use so that clients can truly understand what the problem is and how we are going to fix it.
I don't think my clients are trying to be intentionally deceptive, but if they are reporting different things to their veterinarian than they are to me, or vice versa, it makes it incredibly difficult to determine what should be done to help the pet. Behavior problems can be very scary, I get that. But we can't even begin to figure out what can be done if you can't be honest with me and with yourself about what you are seeing. I treat what you tell me as privileged information, only sharing with your referring veterinarian if you want me to OR if your veterinarian is needed for diagnostic tests and/or drug therapy. Your secrets are safe with me and being honest will help me help you. And if you don't know what you are seeing, just describe it as best as you can and I'll try to ferret out what's going on. Or send video and we can watch it together, learning about your pet and their needs together.
As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.
No comments:
Post a Comment