I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I feel like it bears repeating over and over until we all just relax a bit. Nobody's perfect. No dog is perfect. No owner is perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic, and often detrimental construct that people try to achieve as they compare themselves to their neighbors, family members, friends, co-workers, and influencers they see on social media. The problem with this is that none of us really knows what goes on behind closed doors/once the cameras stop rolling, etc. Just because your neighbor's dog appears angelic to you when you see them out on walks doesn't mean that dog's owners aren't dealing with separation anxiety, destructive behavior, or even aggression at home. You likely won't see any of that out on a walk! And those social media influencers whose dogs are always photographed well-groomed, surrounded by flowers, and with cute music in the background? That's all staged! I know a couple of social media influencers (they are my clients too!) who have told me exactly what it takes to get those photos and videos, and I'm here to tell you, it ain't easy! So, why am I sharing this with you? I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Let's think about what that really means.
First of all, let's set some realistic goals. If you have a new puppy, I can certainly understand wanting to do "everything right." But what's right in your home, may not be what's right in your neighbor's house. And while I will guide you in this regard, you need to tell me how you run your home so that I can make sure that the rules we establish for your new puppy coincide with the way you want the relationship to go. So, for example, I met a new puppy owner last week with 5 small children. Yep. Five little kids and a new puppy. I admire her strength! I was tired when I left there! Her primary goal is to have a puppy who is safe around kids. Period. While she'd obviously like the puppy to be well-mannered and housetrained, having the pup be good around her kids is paramount. I love that she said that and that she made that clear from the get-go. That means that when we work together, her kids will be present, and I will be watching them interact with their new puppy to insure, to the best of my abilities, that that relationship is a solid one, built on the the kids respecting the dog and vice versa.
Next, don't beat yourself up if you have a rough day. Rough week. Or even a rough month. I get that too. Your dog will understand if you're too tired to do two walks every single day. Yes, it IS good to plan on doing two walks a day with a healthy, adult dog, but sometimes it just isn't feasible. Maybe you can toss a toy for your dog instead, or have him chase a flirt-pole. If you're too tired for that, maybe just give your dog a bone to chew on so he can burn off his extra energy that way. But don't beat yourself up about those missed walks, late meals, forgotten bones, etc. It happens. Dogs are creatures of habit, but they can clearly see when we are having a bad day. Maybe you should just plunk down next to your dog and pour your heart out to him. Dogs are great listeners, even if they do appear to fall asleep while we are talking. They listen better with their eyes closed. Tomorrow is another day. You can walk him then. For now, enjoy his company. Dogs lives are short and a few missed walks is not a big deal in the grand scope of their lives.
And finally a word of caution. I had a client tell me a couple of weeks ago that she now felt bad for looking down on her sister-in-law whose dog was always so ill-behaved on family outings. My client had always had dogs who, in her own words, were easy to train and who fell in line quickly. That was until she acquired her current dog who is, to put it mildly, hell on wheels (her words exactly). She said she now feels bad for talking "mad trash" about her sister-in-law's dog training abilities because now she sees that it wasn't her sister-in-law, but the dog she had that caused all the problems. Now my client feels like SHE is being judged by her sister-in-law, and rightly so. While I try not to involve myself in family drama, I can see her point. It's time to apologize to her sister-in-law for being so judgy before and start putting in the hard work to get her current dog under better control so that family get-togethers aren't a nightmare of tipped over tables, stolen food, and knocked over guests. Her new dog is just 9 months old, so we still have time to make changes that will have lasting effects!
Be good to yourselves. And, as always, if you are having behavior problems with your pets, you know where to find me.
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