What's Wrong With Me?

 That was the question my client asked right at the beginning of our appointment. And right before she burst into tears.  I felt bad for her, even more so now with COVID restrictions in place keeping me 6 feet away from her.  I really wanted to give her a hug, but realized even more than a hug, she needed to get some peace of mind.  And she needed it quick!

The reason for the appointment laid about 8 feet away from her.  He's a beautiful puppy, a little fluffball with soulful eyes and huge paws! My client and her new puppy just weren't making a "love connection." While they'd only been together a week, my client was fraught with concern over this puppy.  He won't nap, he hates his crate, he won't come when she calls, he doesn't like to cuddle, and the worst thing of all...he seems to love everyone else more than her.  Those were her words exactly.  I have to admit, while his avoidance of his owner was clear to me (he stayed at a distance from her, but chose repeatedly to come solicit attention from me), the reasons for his behavior were more complex and worth exploring.  A little background at this point will help.

My client lives alone.  Up until a month ago, she shared her home with an elderly dog that she'd had since he was a puppy.  He'd been with her through her divorce, her beloved sister's death,  and through her own cancer diagnosis and recovery.  He was her rock, her constant.  She always said that he was the reason she got up every day and the reason she looked forward to doing so.  She took his death hard, but at 15 years of age, his passing was not unexpected. What had surprised me the most was that rather than allowing herself time to grieve, she had turned around and immediately acquired a new dog, and a puppy no less.

I reminded my client that it's been 14 years since she had a puppy and the last time she did, she was married and still had one child at home to help with his care. Raising a puppy alone is a lot of work.  I also reminded her (gently) that she was, understandably, still grieving the loss of her long-term companion dog.  It's hard to open your heart to a puppy (and all of their needs!) when you are still in the grief process. Plus, she'd gotten a puppy of the same breed AND a male again.  This meant that she was constantly comparing this new puppy to her previous dog and the puppy was coming up short.

While getting a puppy of the same breed does mean that there will be some breed characteristics and traits in common between her beloved dog and the new pup, they aren't going to be exactly the same.  I could already tell that this new puppy was more introspective and quiet, not the uber-social, gadabout her previous dog had been.  That difference doesn't make her new puppy bad, it just means he's different and she's going to need to recognize those differences and change her perspective IF she intends to keep him. If she really feels that she can't bond with this new puppy, then it's truly in her best interest, and his, that she return him to his breeder sooner rather than later.

At this point, I felt like it was important to show her all of the great things about her puppy.  I put him on leash, taught him a few fun behaviors, and got him to play with a flirt-pole.  He was wagging his tail, offering play bows, and climbing in my lap for puppy kisses by the time we were done.  So, why wasn't he behaving this way with his owner?

Her overwhelming sadness and frustration were palpable and making it difficult for this puppy to connect with her.  He was in a new situation, away from his dam and siblings, and sleeping alone in a crate in her kitchen.  I suggested we move the crate to her bedroom and set up some sleep rituals for the two of them to enhance their bonding. We talked about doing short training sessions during the day when she felt the best; when she was feeling particularly down, she should focus on quiet interaction with her puppy and gentle handling exercises, or simply let him be and give him a bone or toy to play with in his x-pen.  While it is certainly okay for her puppy to see her sad, he also needed to see her happy and know that that happiness was being directed at him.

She heard everything I had said and really wanted to try to make this work, but where to begin?  I held him on my lap, gave him treats, and did some basic t-touch.  I then handed him to the owner and asked her to do the same.  She hesitated at first and I saw the puppy shrink and try to move away.  I encouraged her to love on him and talk to him and give him a few treats.  Lo and behold, he stayed on her lap and took an interest in her.  I told her to keep talking to him and try rubbing his chin which he seemed to love.  He would glance over at me periodically and I just kept telling him what a good boy he was.  Suddenly, my client started to see that he really WAS a good boy, just a different boy, from her previous dog.

Before I left, we devised a game plan for the week so that we could get this puppy onto a schedule and relieve some of the pressure my client was feeling.  I agreed to come back and work with him again and help her gain confidence in her new relationship with him.  We also agreed that if this didn't seem to be working, it would be okay to return the dog to the breeder. This would not mean that she was a failure or that this wasn't a "good puppy." It would simply mean she wasn't ready for a new relationship and/or this puppy wasn't a good match for her.  

I truly hope this works out.  He's a delightful little guy, full of potential.  I think his quieter demeanor means he will be more of a rock-steady companion for my client. I also think he'll make a great pet assisted therapy dog some day, especially if his mellow disposition continues to be the case.  At this point, I've done what I can to help make this a love connection.  Now it's up to my client and her puppy to try to make it work for them both.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

I love this photo of my daughter's smooth collie, Westley. It was taken about 10 minutes after he was unloaded from the transport that brought him to our home, and  his first experience away from his breeder's home.  In this picture, I see an adolescent dog, full of potential and ready to interact with his new humans and my two resident collies.  While my daughter was overwhelmed at first with all that goes into caring for a young dog on her own, she too could see everything this young dog could be. Westley is pure joy, all packaged into 40 lbs of collie mischief and we wouldn't have it any other way.