Attention Seeking

I received a phone call this week from a dog owner I hadn't worked with since Spring 2020 when she was raising a puppy during the COVID lock-down and needed a Puppy 101 session to make sure she was on the right track with crate training, house training, naps, etc. At that time, I strongly advised that even though she and her puppy were alone together every day, all day, she should crate him in another room for naps and alone time, and take walks or breaks without him.  I wanted to make sure that this puppy was comfortable being alone and confident enough to entertain himself.  I reminded the owner that lock-down wouldn't last forever, and if she had to be able to return to working in an office, she'd need her puppy to be able to stay home alone without being anxious. Fast forward to our most recent conversation. 

Her puppy is now 5 years old, loves his crate, and isn't anxious when she works in the office two days a week and leaves him home alone.  Sounds good, right?  Well, the problem is what happens when she works the other three days from home.  On those days, her dog bugs her constantly for attention.  He shoves on her with toys, paws at her to pet him, barks at her to get her to play, and rings his bell to go outside, just to get her up out of her chair. She thinks he's the most relentless with his attention seeking when she's in a video meeting or on a client call, though she sheepishly admitted that it may just seem worse then because she's not constantly petting him or playing with him at those times! She says she feels like a horrible pet owner if she tries to ignore him and all it seems to do is escalate the situation, resulting in him barking and her yelling, and then she feels even worse.  She wanted to know if it was too late to fix this problem.  Absolutely not!

Attention seeking behavior is something that all dogs do; some (obviously) do it more than others. You see, dogs can't talk, so if they need something, they have to play a game of charades with you to make their wants and needs known.  They need a drink of water, but their bowl is empty.  They might pick up and drop that empty bowl, bark at you and stare at the empty bowl, or they might drink out of the toilet which is sure to get your attention!  When they are hungry, they stare at you and run to the kitchen, or maybe they bring you their food bowl and stare at the clock.  When they want to go outside they stand near a door, bark or scratch at the door, or grab their own leash and bring it to you.  And, yes, when they want to play, they'll bring you a toy (or 10!) to get you to stop what you are doing and play a game with them.  All of this works great as long as you respond to them, right?  Ignore your dog and they often level up their attention seeking to make their needs known.  I've even met dogs who will pinch or nip their owners if they feel their needs are being ignored!  Is it really such a bad thing that your dog alerts you to his needs?  No, not unless they are attention seeking just for the sake of attention seeking, when no real impending need must be met.  Just because your dog is bored does not mean you need to stop what you are doing and engage them. On the contrary, if you do, you'll end up, like the client above, with a dog who cannot entertain themselves.

All behavior has consequences.  A dog who attention seeks unnecessarily needs to learn that doing so results in less attention, not more.  I advised my client to keep a leash near her desk so that she could unceremoniously leash up her dog and walk him to his crate for a time out when he bugs her, but she knows that all of his basic needs have been met.  After a few minutes, if he's quiet, she can go let him out of the crate and redirect him to an activity that will keep him occupied such as a bone, yak chew, puzzle, lick mat, or Kong. I also suggested that she be more scheduled with his walks and play time.  Instead of playing with him at random times during the day, keeping those play sessions to a schedule, much as she does with his meals, means he will learn to anticipate when it's going to be time to play, and differentiate those times from when she is working and won't be able to play with him. She can also start preemptively giving him something to do that addresses boredom and helps him to entertain himself while she's on calls or in meetings.  If he leaves his puzzle, for example, and comes to push on her with a toy, she will need to excuse herself briefly and take him to his crate, however, so he doesn't escalate to barking which is much more disruptive. He's a smart dog; I don't think it will take very many time outs for him to learn to occupy himself until it's a scheduled play time or walk time.

Ozzie has always been good about recognizing that I'm working and not bugging me at all during those times.  He might lay near me, or bring a bone over to chew on, but he's not disruptive. Henley is a different story. Henley has had to learn not to be disruptive as he will squeak toys, shove my arms, bark at Ozzie, and otherwise disrupt the flow of my workday if I didn't train him early on not to do so.  A handful of time outs was all it took for him to understand that he can be in my office when I'm working, but he has to be quiet and engage in self directed activities until I take a break.  He'll test me every now and then by squeaking a toy while I'm working only to find that doing so buys him an immediate time out in his crate in another room. Ozzie will often look at him when this happens and give an irritated growl, almost as if to say, "Dude! I told you to be quiet!"  Henley will be two years old next month, so he's still learning, and that's okay. I just have to be consistent and he'll get it, just like every other dog I've lived with has gotten it.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Here's Henley letting me know that it's time for his dental bone.  The dental bones sit on my desk and if I go more than 10 minutes past the time the dogs usually get them, he's the first to tell me I've broken the scheduling rules!

Is This My Fault?

I get asked that a lot by pet owners.  They feel anxious and overwhelmed and are afraid that they've done something that has led their pet to have a behavior problem. They express concern that they actively did something, or neglected to do something, and thus their pet needs my help.  While I understand that it's human nature to want to place the blame somewhere, so to speak, it isn't productive in the case of pet behavior problems, nor is it helpful.  In fact, spending a lot of time worrying about whether you're responsible for your pet's behavior problem is time wasted!  So, let's just clear the air right off the bat.  No.  You are not the reason your pet has a behavior problem.  You may be, however, the reason the problem persists.  Let's take a look at a couple of examples.

Let's say your dog jumps up on people.  You may tell your dog to get down or tell him, "Off!," but he persists in jumping up. You volunteer that your son encourages the dog to jump up on him, placing his big paws on your son's shoulders and licking his face! You think this is cute BUT you don't want the dog jumping on your elderly mother or your granddaughter.  So, while this is not your fault per se, you are the reason the problem of your dog jumping up on people persists.  Dogs generalize; if one person loves them jumping up, then all people must like that.  For your dog and their terminal toddler brain, the people who don't like the jumping are in the minority!  To get your dog to stop jumping up period, you will need to stop rewarding and reinforcing the behavior cold turkey.  Now when your dog jumps up, you won't bother with no, off, down, or letting him lick your face.  No. Now what you will do is turn and walk away, or walk right through them, and remove yourself and ANY form of attention, positive or negative.  It will be a rough couple of weeks, but your dog will see that jumping up is no longer what people want from him.  At that point, you can start reinforcing your dog and rewarding him for having four feet on the ground at all times.

Time for a more serious problem.  Your dog tries to bite you if you pet them when they are laying on the couch.  Someone might tell you this is your fault for letting the dog up on the couch, but that's not really true.  After 30,000+ years of co-evolution, humans have selected for dogs that don't behave aggressively toward people.  Thus, any dog who is aggressive toward people is the exception, the outlier, not the rule.  You are the source of all good things for your dog, so why would he lash out at you for showing him attention and affection? Here's the answer: Your dog is a resource guarder and your couch, and his resting spot on there, are defensible resources.  You could simply stop trying to pet your dog when he's on the couch, thus avoiding a potential confrontation, but better still, just don't let him up there anymore.  Block his access to the room or the sofa, turn the cushions up sideways so it's no longer fun to be up there, or use a tether on him that only allows him to lay on his bed or the floor, but not the furniture. You may feel sad that your dog can't be on the couch with you anymore, but truly, not having him up there is safer for you in the long run and avoids any possible aggressive outbursts.  Aggression isn't a curable problem, but this management solution will make it safer for everyone, guests included.

I hope this brings some of you a modicum of relief.  You aren't the reason your pet has a behavior problem, but maybe now you can see how your behavior has, unfortunately, helped the problem to persist and maybe blossom into a larger issue.  And that's where I come in, right?

As always, if you questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Henley is allowed on the couch because he's never tried to defend his spot from me, or anyone else for that matter, including the other dogs.  You can pet him, hug him, kiss him, or tell him to move off the couch, and he's fine with all of that.  This has less to do with me as his owner and more to do with who he is as a dog.  He understood the (co-evolution) assignment!

Board & Train: Just Some Thoughts

I probably get asked five times a week for a referral to a board and train or for my thoughts on board and train experiences for dogs. I'm happy to share my thoughts with clients (and here, of course!), but I want to make one thing perfectly clear.  I am not here to argue.  What follows is my opinion, based on almost 35 years worth of experience, which is what my clients have asked for anyway, so here goes.

No, I am not going to recommend a board and train for your dog.  No, I've never heard of one that actually worked, long term, to improve a dog's life. And, no, I don't do board and train myself. Now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, let me explain why.

Board and trains, by their very nature, are places where people take their dogs and leave them, to be trained by someone else, for varying lengths of time.  At some of these places, dog owners must come weekly, for example, to work with their dog and a trainer, or participate in group training, but for many board and trains, dog owners do not participate in their dog's "re-boot." I've never understood how anything a dog learns at boot camp will carry over to their owner's home if the owners themselves don't participate in the process.  So, I guess what I'm saying is this:  Owners should board and train with their dogs at boot camp. Trainers need to change the owner's behavior as much as they change the dogs.  Sending them home with a summary, a book, or outlines isn't going to do the trick.  The humans are going to go right back to their old ways making the entire experience a waste of time and money and unncessary stress for the dog who had to go through it.

I've been sent links to several board and trains that guarantee their results.  I see in the fine print that those guarantees hinge on owners continuing the use of "training collars."  Training collars, correction collars, tap collars, whatever you want to call them, I call them shock collars because that's what they are.  Yes, these collars have other settings that vibrate and beep, but the bottom line is that they use punishment to get compliance from your dog.  AND they want you to continue to do that at home. If you are okay with this and it works for you, I suppose that's fine. I will never use an electronic collar on one of my dogs, on one of my client's dogs, or recommend them to anyone.  Ok, I'm going to have to digress for a moment and share a story with you.

In 1991, I was teaching a puppy class in Del Mar, California, an upscale beach community near San Diego.  There were six puppies and owners in the class, one of whom was a German Shepherd puppy with his owner, a retired Marine.  All of the puppies were, well, puppies.  They jumped up, they mouthed people, they barked, and they chewed on their leashes as they resisted walking nicely.  Again, all very normal for a puppy class. Well, the Marine wasn't having it.  He brought his puppy to the third class wearing an electronic collar.  I observed him shocking that puppy when he tried to greet one of the women in class by jumping up on her for a treat.  The puppy yelped, peed, and slunk under the bench.  The Marine smiled, the woman was horrified, and I decided then and there to make an example of this man.  I asked him if he'd tried the collar on himself, just to make sure it was working properly and he knew what the experience would be like for his dog.  He told me that there was no need to do that because he'd spent a fortune on this collar AND he was a retired Marine, a shock would be nothing to him.  I'm sure you know where this is going.  I asked if he'd be willing to show the class this and of course he said yes!  I took the collar off of the dog and took the remote from him.  I fitted the collar on his bare neck and glanced at the remote.  I asked him if he wanted me to use the same "tap" he'd given his dog (a setting of 5 on this remote), or go a little easier since this was just a demonstration, after all.  He replied, whatever works is fine with me.  Wrong thing to say.  I gave him a quick beep and then dialed it up to just 4 and shocked him.  He dropped to one knee and clutched at his neck.  His puppy licked his face and the women in class snickered. I very innocently asked if he wanted me turn it up to the level he'd used on his dog and he said no, that was enough, I'd made my point.  And indeed I had.  Never subject your dog to one of these things if you're not willing to try it on yourself. Dog necks are actually more sensitive than human necks, something this man was surprised to learn.  Nonetheless, I thanked him for helping the class to better understand why this training tool was not something I'd recommend.  The bottom line:  I got much better participation and follow through by the Marine, and by the other people in class, after this demonstration.  So, maybe shock collars are good for something after all!

So, why don't I offer my own board and train experience?  While it might seem lucrative to do so, again, I don't think there is a lot of value in working with dogs without their owners involved.  So, to be successful, I'd have to operate a B & B experience for dog owners where they stay and work with their dogs and with me, in the hopes that the behavioral changes stick.  The problem is, I really think dogs are different when they aren't at home. They are a little less sure, a bit uneasy, a bit more compliant.  For it to work, I'd have to go live with them in their home (think, the Supernanny TV program!), and I'm just not doing that, though I've had people ask me to!

There just really aren't any quick fixes when it comes to dog training.  You have to put in the time yourself, perhaps with a dog trainer you trust to do right by you and your dog.  And if you're doing it all yourself, and getting frustrated, then definitely seek the help of a professional!  You shouldn't feel so frustrated that you question your relationship with your dog. I had a client tell me just this week that while she loved her dog, she didn't really like him, and that stuck with me.  I'm glad she reached out for help from me because I think, together, we can turn that around for both of them.

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Here's Ozzie doing a bit of training research on his own for an activity in the Dog Aging Project. He's stuck with me as his "trainer" for this study, but if I need help, I know who to call ;)

The Best Advice!

A couple of years ago, I was asked by an interviewer to share my five favorite pieces of advice for pet owners.  I blogged on that topic, so you can still find that post if you want to read it again (or for the first time!).  I was interviewed again this week, and lo and behold, asked that same question!  I didn't want to give those same answers because the truth of the matter is, I have lots of favorites when it comes to helping pets and their people.  So, here are five pieces of advice I love and that I shared with the interviewer this time around:

1. It's okay to sleep with your pets on your bed. As long as you doing so isn't unsafe for you or for them, that is.  If you are living with an aggressive pet, it simply isn't a good idea to have them on your bed, and it may in fact not be a safe idea to have them in your bedroom at all. You don't want to risk bumping them, rolling over on them, or stepping on them, for example, if doing so could trigger an aggressive or defensive response.  For dogs and cats who bite their owners, being out of the bedroom is just a good safety measure.  For some senior pets, extra precautions need to be put in place to make sure that they can safely remain on the bed with you.  You may need bed bumpers to keep them from falling out or jumping off, or it may be safer to crate them in your bedroom so that they can still be near you, but not risk falling or startling them when you move in bed at night. And even if the aggression isn't directed at you, if it's directed at a spouse, that's still a problem.  Dogs who resource guard their owners or their owner's beds do not belong on the bed at all!

2.  Dogs need more than daily walks to be happy. It's true that in the 70's and 80's, dog owners were told that walking their dogs twice daily (in addition to their daily meals) was all that they needed to be happy and healthy. We now know that simply wasn't true.  Dogs can and do lead active lives filled with social experiences, opportunities for problem solving, sniffaris, and play time. Frankly, I think those dogs of my childhood were bored out of their minds.  It's no wonder they ran off if someone left the door open!  Dogs do need daily physical exercise, that's true.  But they also need lots of mental stimulation including opportunities to solve problems (think food puzzles here), chew on bones (they have the teeth for it), and play with toys that you rotate to maintain interest and enthusiasm. 

3.  Cats need more than a full food bowl to be happy. We've come a long way in our understanding of what our feline friends need to be content and well-adjusted too.  They certainly need to be fed, but that food doesn't need to be provided in a never-empty-food-bowl.  Cats are predators who like to hunt, so let them hunt for food you've hidden, or use food-based puzzles designed for cats to feed them their meals.  Cats need perches, climbing opportunities, and scratching options. While you might feel that one vertical cat tree is enough, your cat begs to differ.  They want shelves, cubbies, and cat trees that go all the way to the ceiling, incorporating hiding areas and different scratching and rubbing opportunities.  They also want more litter boxes!  The rule of thumb is one litter box, per cat, plus one, all cleaned daily, and fully cleaned weekly.

4.  Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I never had pet insurance on any of my pets until I got Henley.  I decided that he would be my first collie to have it, affording me a better understanding of the pet insurance market and how having insurance for him might be helpful for his long-term care.  Well, boy am I glad I did! Henley has had a ton of issues related to his serious allergies and once we got through the initial period of time establishing his allergic conditions, most of his care related to his allergies has been covered by his insurance. Whew!  My wallet is grateful for that.  Now, when asked, I always recommend that pet owners look at pet insurance for their new additions and use Henley as an example!

5.  Dogs do dream and they dream about YOU. The vast majority of a dog's memories are about you, so make the most of their short time on this planet. Make sure their dreams are beautiful, their experiences enriching, and their lives filled with love, opportunities, and plentiful delicious snacks.

Yeah, you're right.  Ozzie and Henley made me throw in that part about the snacks.  Go figure.

And, as always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of Westley asleep in my daughter's bed.  Not on her bed, but under the covers, AND using the pillows!  Westley is a bed hog and will definitely get moved over to one side when my daughter climbs into bed, but he won't take offense and will find a way to spoon with her as soon as she gets comfy.  Nothing that needs fixing here!