Learning to Entertain Themselves

When my daughter was born years ago, one piece of advice I received time and again from veteran parents was this: Don't spend all of your time entertaining your kids; they need to be able to keep themselves occupied without constant parental engagement. My daughter didn't always make it easy to keep her occupied on her own, but I persevered and then did the same thing with my son. Interestingly enough, that same advice really should be given to every prospective dog owner when they acquire their first dog. While it became a huge problem following COVID lock-down when everyone was no longer stuck inside for days and weeks on end, the problem of over-indulgent dog owners, unwilling or unable to get their dogs to entertain themselves, has persisted. Right now, I average three calls a week from dog owners who are at their wit's end with puppies or dogs who simply cannot entertain themselves.  So, what's going on here?

When you bring home a puppy, you need to get them onto a schedule as quickly as you can. That schedule should include non-negotiable naps, in a crate, in a room, away from you. Not only does this encourage quality naps, it also teaches your puppy that it's okay to be away from you.  Puppies who take naps alone learn to soothe themselves and also entertain themselves if they wake up before you are there to let them out. If, instead, you let your puppy nap wherever they happen to be, or in a pen in the room where you are, you are not teaching them to be independent; on the contrary, you are teaching them to be wholly dependent on you for even the most basic thing, falling asleep!

Beyond nap time, puppies should spend alone time in an exercise pen or playpen with toys, puzzles, and activities to keep them occupied and mentally stimulated. You should not have to train, play, or entertain your puppy constantly while they are awake. Again, they need to understand that having 100% of their humans' attention isn't a sustainable option.  If your puppy fusses in the pen, ignoring those toys and puzzles, move away and out of sight and see if they'll occupy themselves then.  Many of them do once they realize the humans aren't going to scoop them up immediately.  If your pup continues to fuss in the pen or escalates to barking, pawing at the pen, or trying to climb out, scoop them up, take them outside to toilet and sniff, and then bring them right back to the pen. That way, they learn that fussing doesn't get them anything more than a bathroom break. Schedule one-on-one play time, training time, and leash walks the same way you plan those naps. In between times, your puppies should be entertaining themselves.

For adolescent and adult dogs who don't require enforced naps and playpens, you will still want to encourage and reward them for occupying themselves.  Use bones, stuffed Kong toys, lick mats, puzzles, etc. daily to keep them entertained.  If they start whining for your attention, shoving on you with their nose or jumping into your lap uninvited, slough them off and ignore them for a minute.  Follow that up by redirecting to the activity you gave them to do.  You decide when the walks, play time, and adventures happen, not your dog.  If you allow your dog to dictate how you spend your day, you will quickly discover that you have no time for yourself and are literally spending your whole day entertaining your canine companion.

I've had a lot of folks try to do what I've outlined above and then come back frustrated saying, "He's just so high energy!  He needs me to throw the ball constantly or he'll be tearing up my house!" Now, this is a separate, but related, issue.  Dogs need an appropriate balance of physical and mental exercise.  Those dogs who are bouncing off of the walls are often the ones not getting enough of either.  Train yourself to walk your dog twice a day for at least 45 minutes each walk, focusing on letting them sniff and explore.  If they like to play fetch, that's fine, schedule a session of fetch, but not at the expense of a walk.  Then, change up the way you feed your dog, opting out of bowl feeding and choosing instead to feed your dog using puzzles or games that make them think before they eat.  Dogs are foragers by nature; feeding them in bowls, even slow feeder bowls, isn't much of a challenge.  Throwing a cup of kibble out on the grass for them to forage and find their meal? Now, that's a challenge! Don't have a lawn? Fine, just bury the food in a sturdy snuffle mat or snuffle ball to encourage independent foraging. 

Finally, it's also often the case that these dogs who can't entertain themselves are also dogs with rather poor manners.  This means that your training sessions should focus on more than just sits and downs, but with an eye toward more important life skills like go to your bed/mat; stay; off; and go play, which is basically just a directional command to go entertain themselves.  If your dog is having trouble or you are finding it hard to motivate to teach them these manners, sign up for a class!  There are some great basic manners and holiday manners classes out there at your disposal.  Classes are great for accountability for you AND for your dog.

As I am writing this, Ozzie is sound asleep on the bed in the corner of my office, while Henley is in the window seat, chewing on a bone he found, on his own, at the bottom of his toy basket.  He is very good at entertaining himself and you know what? I take full credit for that!  I learned what to do (and what not to do!) 25 years ago when my daughter was born!

As always, if you have questions about your pet's behavior, you know where to find me. 

Henley dropped the bone off the bench where he'd been chewing on it, followed by a dramatic yawn meant to get my attention. You already know I did not pick up that bone and hand it to him!  He can do that all on his own. Which he promptly did after posing for this picture.