I spoke with a client early in the week. Well, actually, she spoke and I listened. You see, she and her husband of 42 years have been locked down together since March. They aren't getting along so well and neither are their pets (two dogs and a cat). After spilling all the details, she sheepishly said, "This is all confidential, right? I just told you more than I've even told my kids!" I laughed and said that indeed, her thoughts and concerns were safe with me and while I won't even begin to try to deal with tense human relationships, I am more than happy to dive right into the relationship stress occurring among her pets. Funny thing though. I'm pretty sure if she and her husband can gain some perspective and cut each other a bit of slack, that will take the pressure not only off of their relationship, but the one with and among their pets as well. You see, I think in this household (and probably in a lot of households) the current drama between the two dogs and the cat are simply a reflection of the obvious strain with the two humans being locked down together 24/7 during a global pandemic. If you or someone you know is having similar issues, here are my thoughts on turning those strained relationships around to get back on an even keel:
1. Exercise: Turns out that these two people hadn't been getting much exercise because their kids told them it wasn't safe to do so. I'm no expert, but I know how important exercise is not only to physical health, but psychological well-being. I suggested masks and face shields if that would ease her kids' minds, and walking really early in the day before most folks are even up and about. They can walk together, or they can walk separately, but they need to take the two dogs with them. Those dogs need to get out of the house and out of the yard too!
2. Play: Games keep human minds active and engaged, same for our pets. I suggested getting a flirt pole to play with the dogs one-on-one in the yard. That way, the dogs can get exercise at home too. I suggested a kids wading pool filled with clean dirt or sand where treats like carrots could be buried for the dogs to find.
3. Puzzles: You all already know how much I love puzzle toys for cats and dogs. For the cat in this house, I suggested some cubbies and shelves on a wall for the cat to move around well above the dogs. This poor cat had been trying to get to her window perch for weeks and been unable to do so as one dog would block her and then chase her away. The vertical spaces that only she can use mean she'll easily be able to get to her window perch and that will take all the fun out of blocking that space and chasing her. For the dog who has been chasing the cat, that flirt pole will do wonders. Both dogs were gobbling their food, so I suggested putting their food into puzzle toys that they had to work at to get the food out. One dog can do the toy inside while the other is outside to insure the dogs aren't squabbling over the puzzles.
4. Alone time: Everyone needs some alone time, dogs and cats are no exception. Crate trained dogs can be put in their crates to rest during the day, or they can simply be confined to a room with a cushy spot to nap. Cats need access to spaces that dogs can't get to, so putting up a gate in the doorway to the study means that my client's cat can get into that room, lay on the couch or computer keyboard, get to her favorite scratching post, and use her litter box in peace and without canine interference.
5. Let the pets sort it out: Other than protecting the cat from being chased, I asked the owner to let the animals sort out most of their issues without intervening. Her two dogs weren't fighting per se; what they were doing is squabbling. Both would want the same toy and inevitably one of the dogs would growl and snap and then take off with the toy to hide behind the couch. Given that the response to this by the other dog was to find something else to do, I didn't see any problem here really. They sorted out the problem on their own and there were no lasting implications. There had been one doorway skirmish when both dogs tried to go through the sliding door at the same time and snapped at each other. What happened? Nothing. They snapped, shook it off, and went off to sniff separate areas of the yard. Honestly, the dogs seemed to be doing better with their "tiffs" than the humans!
6. Control the resources: All of the animals in this home are allowed on the furniture. The problem with this is that her husband doesn't like that one of the dogs grumbles at him if he sits near his wife. The wife admitted that she found this hilarious and didn't see a problem with it. I reminded her that if the dog were growling at her, she wouldn't think it was so funny. Plus, the growling dog was upsetting the other dog who then chased the cat, and then everyone was upset. I suggested that she get the grumbling dog off of the couch when her husband came to sit down. Once he was seated, the dog could be invited back up; if he growled though, he was off the couch for the rest of the night. Humans must be in control of the resources and their use, not the pets. And no one should be using a pet as a means of getting back at another person.
The bottom line is this: Tension between humans can create tension between our pets as well. You don't have to jump right in and break up every negative interaction though. Let it play out and see if it's serious or just some minor altercation that your pets can sort out on their own. I'm not advocating for letting dogs fight until someone gets hurt, or allowing dogs to torment a cat. On the contrary, what I'm suggesting is relying on pets that share space to sort out their conflicts without intervening unless necessary. Oftentimes when humans intervene, we make it worse. We make a bully feel empowered, or inadvertently add to the fear and anxiety of a nervous pet. Better to see if they can resolve their issues on their own but still under our watchful eye.
So, remember to get plenty of exercise, rest and recharge when you need to. Play everyday and challenge your brain with a puzzle. Drink plenty of water and keep an eye on diet as food should be enriching, not a crutch. And this is advice for you and your pets. We are all social living creatures after all.
As always, if you are having a problem with your pet's behavior, you know where to find me.
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